Im sitting here, at the computer, its 3:12 in the morning and I'm listening to the sound of breathing coming from 2 different rooms in the house. The first is from my girlfriend Kristin, whom I love, and who loves me despite my many flaws and limitations. The second is coming from the room immediately to my left, where Gabriel and Natalia have fallen asleep in the same bed, after another day of proving to the world that they are the best kids alive, and deserve to have everything that they wish come true for them.
Ive done things to to hurt her, time and time again, and she has risen above my stupidity and given me chance after chance to be true. I'm editing this blog from what it was last night, because her and I both think that she is owed a public apology for everything I've done wrong, not just the latest abundance of infidelity. Kristin, I never meant to hurt you. I never meant for any of this, and I'm sorry that it's happened. You deserve better than I can give, and I know that theres a possibility that I wont be forgiven this time. I let myself get into positions where the only person left hurting is you, and I did so with disregard of how it would affect your life, or the kids lives. I love the three of you so much that I don't really even know where I would begin my life if I didn't have you in it.
You told me after we were reading the astrological books today that you wanted to know why I did all of the things I did, and I hope this helps explain what seems to come so painfully from my lips. I put myself in bad spots with people. Things always seem to start out innocently enough, and as I get carried away with my actions, all other thoughts of people stop in my head, and all I think about is what I'm feeling. There is no reason behind why I did this to you. I keep racking my brain and trying to figure out what could make me so god damn callous and hurtful, so inconsiderate with such a precious gift like love. Ive never been loved like this. Ive never been loved so fiercely by another human being in my entire life. I feel like all the love in my body is outstripped by just a fraction of what radiates from you. Even now, with all the hurt I see in your eyes every time I look at you, I still see it. I hope you can forgive me. We have a lot of life left to live, respectively, and I would give thanks every day of the rest of my life if you let me live it with you.
Astrological book definitions of me aside (Because I have to say, it put a grim outlook on any life we would have) I love you deeply. Please forgive me.
