Hurts to watch. Blog by Icarus
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Icarus's blog: "Hurts to watch."

created on 09/21/2009  |

I had every intention to go outside and smoke, perhaps have that last bit of cognac swirling in the bottle.

But alas, it is raining, and we're holding fast on that "no smoking inside" rule.

La Chica gave me her number and personal email. I guess she's scoping a bigger and better job.
I sent her my resume and told her to look it over as a reference point and send me hers if she wanted it editted.

It hasn't really hit me yet.

But man I'm gonna miss her.

I had drinks with the christian and her roommate for cinco. I think I wouldn't be conceded in thinking that roommate's digging on me. We have a good biplay.

Not that I'm taking any of that seriously any more.

Not that I'm taking anything seriously anymore.

Clover's okay.

I need to flush her ears.
Religiously. Then we talked spaying and treating her hematoma.

I got out of there with minor damage to my wallet.

I'm 90% sure the Royals lost tonight, last I checked it was ... 2 to 8.


Punched out early there.

Punched out an hour early to visit the most unpleasant bull-dike condescending bitch of a vet I've ever met.

We're not going there. She was awfully fussy about big dogs licking her for such a macho woman...

Dr Cook ogtfo. He can play the banjo. He's more my speed.
And not a waddling douche.

I think I will have that drink though.

Meantime meantime...
I dunno, Chris is supposed to be down this weekend to hookup my AC and drop off a bucket of PS3 games
including my copy of Armored Core 4.
You'd better believe I'm using that game to prebuild and prepaint models I wanna make :D
I may yet build a real representation of the Altruz yet.

maybe after 12 other projects.

Also I'm thinking about coming back to the fantasy novel I started this year.

I think I'm 2 layers of white (because the thighs on the gouf are white and so are... *thinks* some accent points) away from switching to color, finishing purple (all of 4 parts) and putting down the black gloss.

I need to even out the finish on the sonbitch
and black works 2 ways

it doesn't- use dark grey matte
high gloss piano black

Thus leading me to think that I'll put some clear high gloss finish on all the colors that are gonna go down matte.

The white is almost like sprayed-on chalk. I'm expecting the purple to be fairly dry and matte as well.

I need to mix some gray for the backpack.
And no
I haven't started the shield or the tubes
and I probably should commit to those.

So even after 3 coats of primer 2-4 coats of color and a top coat

I still might have about 9 very small parts to work, mask and suspend.

And I doubt I'll have time for it this weekend with muddersday.

Deep cleaned my airbrush too. Chambered some thinner and ran it through for a few minutes. Here's hoping that bought me a few sessions.

Then there was that taboule I made.


Dry bones.
Day old bread.
Crumbling as you reach.
But if you stay under the covers
if you shut your eyes real tight and just
with everything so tense
that all you can feel is your forehead against your knees
forget to breathe
forget to forget
forget to believe
and when it opens up you won't be you.
The smell of damp grass and summer attics returns.
The purple edged black dissolves
back to the noise and lonliness.
One day at a time
comes so damn close.

Ten random facts folks




you read do it




1.  I'd rather drink goat's milk.




2.  I have an undiagnosed chronic pain condition in my tummy. Its excrutiating.




3.  I once masturbated 8 times in 11 hours to find out if I could.




4.  I only dance when no one expects it.




5.  I don't really have any secrets.




6.  I'd rather watch my hometeam lose all year long than watch the playoffs of any sport.




7.  I like carrot juice, but for the life of me I can't just buy it in a giant jug or can.




8.  I may come off as this bright, confident (arrogant) young man, but the truth is I'm probably just playing some elaborate game of gauging you, toying with you, and measuring a safe distance around you. I'm terrified of people, but in the sense that I'll bite your neck when cornered if I have to.




9.  I'd rather live with a nymphomaniac mute that I knew loved me just by her smile.




10.  I can probably sing better than most people you know. Good luck getting me to.





Six dry summers.
Twelve varying degrees of sand.
Warm toes
soft soles.
Holes in my skin.
Freckles on my face.
Wind through my hair.
Glint from my specs.
Six swift swigs and a pass
a drop
a broken bottle quenching the thirsty mostly-blue earth.
Watch the puddles trace.
Just ask me to stop.
Nod off against the rust
and ride off into the twilight.
Sunrises unknown. Far far off into the east.

Jesus tits I'm bored.

And I spent yet another one of my weekends doing little if anything that I wanted to do

and apparently

I'm doing it again NEXT weekend *throws hands up in the air* weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Season 1 reruns of Family Guy, a pathetic 0-1 loss, and one coat of primer.

*throws his hacky sack against the wall*

oh yeah

real exciting.

I can say that I made a decent plate of couscous, because I've grasped coconut milk and nut paste (hehe) and I did it with leftovers of all things.

But it bears no mentioning. There were no new techniques or flavor profiles created, I just combined a couple.

I'll be making bean jam tea cakes eventually.

Hopefully this week.

Sorry I got distracted dragging my razor saw against my skin and thinking about snuff films.







I've got a lot of stuff coming in
metal ammunition
2 discount kits
metal verniers

*catches himself playing with sharp things again*
I'm not very excited about these things because I


very unfulfilled.

... and I haven't written anything in a while.
Shall we?



treeing all these parts was a BITCH and I don't even have enough alligator clips for the kit.

(treeing: the term I use for disassembling the parts and hanging or clipping or suspending them for paint)

There's a lot of short comings with HG 1/144 scale kits.
I really dunno why people are so bonkers about em and why they have more varied kits (for the most part HG's have a lot of variant suits like [insert gundam name] "Full Armor")

The 1/100's are DESIGNED for redesign and repaint ... look at how you can take the armor paneling off >>
hell I know a guy that's painting the frame and the plating seperate by skeletonizing, painting, painting panels and reassembling.


I think I went through... ... 6 5:4's and all told it was about 5 ounces of material.

I think that was about ALL I used to prime the NZ.

So we have a lot more surface area to go over on this kit, and a lot more curvature.

Right now everything's glazed in the garage with one coat... and I am debating if I want to clean my airbrush again today.

It's 9:00 I can't get the Royals game on, and I've ordered about $100 of custom parts and decals, closing on 2 kits with my seller, and I splurged ... did I splurge? on food today.

I always say if I don't feel like doing something, I shouldn't.

Let's talk about food elsewhere.


A terrible plight has fallen upon me.
I have run out of my beloved cerrano ham...

And I have no friggin time to myself.

I'm getting hijacked tomorrow too.

Party party party
go go go

... I think I've had 6 hours to myself where I wasn't sleeping or taking care of something in the last 2 weeks.

yeah that's pissing me off.


Anyhow... I've stripped the Gouf.
I want to prime.
Parts are treed.
... except the SUPER tiny waist and face hoses.

I have no idea where I can grip those things and paint them.

I'm kinda nervous about that part of the process....
I may just wind up digging them into a lil dob of putty and going from there
so delicate.


I dunno, lets move on to the interesting part

I had a dream last night between 4 and 6 this morning where me and Christian were having a pretty realistic sexual encounter in my bed.

Even had the right bed clothes on and it was the right lighting for dusk/mid afternoon.

T'was a good dream.

I undressed her bit by bit
she smiled not-so shyly as I gave her instructions



what my imagination has worked out about her body was very nice.

It was so... accurate.
Not fantastical just a pretty girl in my bed.
No one was statuesque or perfect

I even remember how her neck smelled when I leaned in to kiss her.

I got around to kissing my favorite parts, and having her hand around the back of my neck looking me sweetly in the eyes.

Then I woke up again.

I'm guessing that's what I want, and what my mind would've really expected had things... if she had basically been the person I was hoping she was.

She's still a beautiful, funny, intellegent, caring, girl...

I still don't go to church enough.







If only that could be my life.

I'm starting to think it'll fall off before I get any again.


Actually my everything hurts.

Let's bring it in kids.

For some reason we're only putting SHIT pitchers on the mound tonight

I mean Tajeda?
Are you fucking kidding me?

Why is he even pitching in the major leagues?


oh right

I've been busy.

Wedding shit.
Work shit.
And now I'm mowing
and shit...

I'm mentally and physically exhausted and I'm ... pretty much cooking and eating to stay alive and it is


Oh well. I probably have 1/3 of the job done.
And 7 or so blisters on my hands (I keep finding new ones)

Don't use a hand-scythe to trim your HUGE weeds (above my knees) after it rains and you can't mow the day you want to.

fuck grass, just in general.

All the recent muscle use though is making me more slender.

That part I like.

I'm about ready for an asian kick.

I keep craving udon and fish broth and fishies
and thai sauces
and steamed pork buns (which I have tabbed and read over a few times)

I could just be really damn hungry...

Those crazy lil mochi tea cakes with red bean paste
fish broth... gonna need fish flakes.

... gotta find a place that sells it.

*rubs his empty belly*

I need sex too.


Just sex.


Really that hard up and frustrated.
The rest of my life is suffering.

Robot update:
surfaces are puttied, sanded, and ready to disassemble, categorize and prime.

Sure would be nice to be done mowing and have the time.

My forum isn't bursting with commentary about the pictures I posted...
and that guy I wanted to buy some kits from hasn't sent me a message in




I'm hungry
I'm horny
I'm bored
I'm busy
I'm frustrated
I'm tired
I'm sore

still beats having an abusive psychotic girlfriend and jail-time with unemployment.



we learned a few things.

I already learned that super glue melts plastic

but I also learned that epoxy putty smells

so... why is this even coming up?

I was putting on some panels on the surface of the shield

and I used some glue on the opposite side of it

and... the chemicals melted through.

Gooed a hole in my shield panel
that I had to fill with epoxy putty
and I learned less is more

a lot lot lot lot lot more.

My thoughts from this point forward, sparing use of putty for gap fixes, and always let the glue set before applying anywhere near it, and use it sparingly.

Glue can bubble too just like masks and such.

thin careful application

*flops back exhausted*
I spent a good long while filing the melted areas.

Fill hollow points coming anywhere near glue.

I've designed a couple grenade launchers
unfortunately I'm not comfortable with the design while retaining the gouf's ability to use his finger machine gun AND the prong.

I could make an unmounted one for his hand, but I'd rather focus on the barbed heat rod in his articulated hand.

I think... and I'm sad to say it
for the moment the grenade launcher is scrapped.

... course I have the ammo drum and a machine gun I could alter into it but... ... but... where would I mount it?

there's no reason for me to delay the rest of the process right now though.
I could always make the launcher later.

in the meantime, what's left?
Maybe some putty on the backpack to transition the mods
I need to put down... 4 booster boxes for my legs.
I could make em fucking huge too.

Then we prime.
Then we mask.
Then we color.
Then we topcoat.
Then we... do I need to panel line?
... we'll think about it.

ooh... and decaling?

oh hell... I have to make the emblems... so tiny.


Just outside Phoenix there's an old man on his stoop with his two best friends
They aint much for talking.
One's all bones
t'other's all thumbs.
Pickin on the slide and rockin back and forth
nowhere to go on this dusty sunset.

Sun goin down. Iron's on the stove.
Just hours of stretch in every direction.
Flat empty and quiet.
Grits and sunny side at dusk.
For forty friends, and forty strangers.

Ain't such a lonesome place if you just sit down
shut up
and enjoy riding the curve goin nowhere fast.
Take the 4:30 rush by sandal and sunshine
quittin time's when I turn the sign.


EvilI should really move the booze upstairs.
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