Hurt doesn't begin to explain how I feel. Friends are supposed to be there for one another, they're supposed to be there for you, want to hang with you, talk to you, and all that. Bestfriends are supposed to do all that and more because you have a special bond, a brother/sister kind of bond that allows you to tell them everything and anything. They're supposed to listen and help you out with things. Why than do they lie or not be all the way honest with you? Why do they make something up or have others do it for them when you ask them to hang out/spend time together? or when you call? or want to come over?
Do they do it because they don't think you'll find out the truth? That if you find out they truely don't wanna hang out you'll be hurt? Or do they do it because they're influenced? Don't they know it hurts to find out they might have done it purposefully... or unintentionally.... Do they want to do it purposefully? or do they allow others to dictate their actions? I honestly couldn't tell you why. I can't explain how I feel about all this, because I have a couple friends that as of the past 2 years have done this to me. People I have trusted or do trust have hurt me. The ones I carefore and would do almost anything for have hurt me.
Hurt doesn't describe it...it's an empty, aching, abandoned, betrayed kind of feeling. One that leaves my heart pounding and my chest hurting. I can't concentrate on anything other than this feeling......and the cause for it. I don't get how one [or more] of my bestfriends can do something to hurt someone who's supposed to be their bestfriend... It's enough to make me want to cry but I can't. I also want to ask why they did it... why they do it.... but because I don't want to upset them to were we fight, I don't. I enjoy our friendship too much to lose a friend....
It bothers me to know deep within my mind that if I ask them for the truth they probably wouldn't tell me what I need to hear but what they want me to hear. All I really want to do is tell them upfront that I know. I've known for a while that there are times when they avoid me for reasons unknown. I know they've sometimes had things come up but as often as it does I just can't believe that somethin comes up EVERY time... It also bothers me that they choose their other friends over me most the time.
Whether i've known the person most my life to half my life... to a couple years... I've had some of my closest and bestest friends hurt me like this.... Make plans and last minute or if someone pops up and asks them to do somethin more fun they cancel and go with the other person thinking i'm dumb and won't ever figure it out. I'm not dumb and I know they're doing it and I know a couple of them are purposefully and I am not sure if the others are or not... I just wish I understood it...
