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KatieBug's blog: "hurt"

created on 12/04/2007  |  http://fubar.com/hurt/b163470
Why does it seem like when one thing goes wrong, 10 other things follow? I'm to the point that I don't know how much more I can take. As I'm writting this I'm sitting here with a pounding headache because of crying for just about an hour straight. The crazy thing about it is that I couldn't tell ya what exactally I was crying about cuz the truth is I DON'T KNOW!! I've spent this entire month in tears on and off for the stupidest of things. I'm tired of being broke, tired of being me. I swear I've never been this depressed. Yeah, I know most my friends don't see it cuz it's easy to put on a smile and pretend everything is fine. Why burden everyone else with my problems? It's not like anyone can fix them. I just feel lik nothing I do is good enough. I'm in a hole trying to dig myself out, and for every shovel full I take out, 20 more are dumped on my face. I'm beginging to wonder if I'm ever going to get out. Yeah, pretty much this whole thing is me feeling sorry for myself, I know this, but since I won't talk to anyone about it I guess writting about it is the only way to get it out. It seems like no matter what I do I let someone down. You know how much it sucks to feel like a failure? It sucks. That's about how I feel right now.

I should be happy, but....

I just found out last night that my best friend got married. That part is a good thing, and I'm happy for her. The part that hurt me about the whole thing is that we've been best friends for 20 years and she's JUST telling me that she got married 4 MONTHS AGO!!! I don't even know what hurts more though, that she didn't tell me for so long, or that she doesn't get why I'm hurt. She tells me that she's sorry if her marriage upsets me, and I flat out tell her, it's not the marriage that has me upset. As long as she's happy I'm happy for her. It just hurts because when I got married I shared every single moment of it with her, but she doesn't tell me shit for 4 months. I feel like I got cut out of the biggest thing in her life. She eloped, so it's not even that I'm mad that I wasn't there. I know in some ways I may be being selfish about it, but whatever. Anyways thanks for readin my ramble
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