Humor Blog by me
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created on 05/12/2008  |  http://fubar.com/humor/b215115

For $110, Earth-Bound Pets' "network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus." If the rapture happens within 10 years of your first payment, your pet will be saved. There's a limit of one pet per household, and additional pets are another $15.

Sadly, they are only equipped to handle dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, small caged mammals, and horses, camels, llamas and donkeys in certain states. Tough luck for the reptiles.

I'm sure you have a lot of questions, like how do we know this said atheist care giver won't convert and get raptured away at the last minute? Also, what if Grandma gets left behind, can she take care of my dog over a stranger? The site answers all these queries in their FAQ section.

Q: How do you ensure your representatives won't be Raptured.
A: Actually, we don't ensure it, they do. Each of our representatives has stated to us in writing that they are atheists, do not believe in God / Jesus, and that they have blasphemed in accordance with
Mark 3:29, negating any chance of salvation.

Q: When the Rapture occurs, how long before my pet is rescued?
A: The timing is contingent on the number of subscribers we have in each state/region and travel distance. Our rescuers know that this is a time sensitive service. Pets' lives are at stake. We will limit the number of subscribers in each zone so that any given rescuer will not be over burdened. Naturally, we must anticipate that there will be widespread chaos and confusion immediately following the Rapture that could impact travel times. Thus, we are targeting a maximum of between 18- 24 hours from realization of the Rapture, to animal rescue.

Q: What if one of my family members are left behind. Will you still take possession of my pet?
A: That depends. When the rescuer arrives, if your loved one wants to retain possesion of the pet, the pet stays in the home. We expect in these circumstances that the pet will offer the family member some comfort and stability given the trauma of what has occurred. If the family member prefers, we will adopt the pet per our contract.

 

 

I think I just found my calling lol.


Apparently it's a good way to treat cancer. I breastfeed my dad:

    As Georgia Browne breastfeeds her baby son Monty, nothing could seem more normal or natural. At eight months old, Monty thrives on his mother’s milk, but someone else is also thriving on Georgia’s milk – her father Tim!

    That’s because Tim’s battling cancer. He drinks his daughter’s breastmilk every day to boost his immune system and give him the strength to fight the disease.

    After researching the idea on the internet, Georgia, 27, expresses her breastmilk as often as she can for her father to drink. He has the milk on his bowl of cornflakes every morning. It’s been his daily routine for the past six months and Tim believes the milk has given him a boost.

 

And now you know why guys are always eyeing your chest. Because your chest could save our lives! lmao

 

 

 

Since once again entering flash code is a pill all I can offer is this link. Worth the watch, too funny!

 

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b131952_jeff_goldblum_proves_stephen_colbert.html

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. He decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the President. The President was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: Dear God, Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, DC., and those a-holes deducted $95.00 in taxes. Billy
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