HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS):
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was
resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind
in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened
criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky
ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your
Count that votes..
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds..
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum
Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery..
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought
she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
