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How To Speak Southern (Hah Tu Spek Suthun)
BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow.
"Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck.
"JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north ofFlorida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck.
"MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts.
"IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni.
"Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!
"RANCH - noun. A tool.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.
"ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in mypickup truck.
"FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all inmy pickup truck, that things gonna catch far.
"BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!
"TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn'tgit a flat tar in my pickup truck.
"TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime.
"HOT - noun. A blood-pumping organ.
HOD - adverb. Not easy.
Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix.
"RETARD - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65.
"TARRED - adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred
"RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats.
"LOT - adjective. Luminescent.
Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair.
"FARN - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country.
"DID - adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim.
"EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are inLA).
Usage: "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!
"BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.
"JU-HERE - a question.
Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach JimmyJohnson recently toured the University of Alabama?
"HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert.
"SEED - verb, past tense.
VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?
"HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?
"GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!"
