How To Meet Men And Get Things Started
*Quick Tip: If you don't understand what a man
is thinking or feeling when you meet him and
get to know him... then you're VERY likely to
do or say something that will get in the way
of the ATTRACTION he feels for you, and he will
WITHDRAW from you. To learn how to understand
the "secret psychology" of men and what turns on
a man's LOVE and ATTRACTION "buttons", read this:
http://www.CatchHimAndKeepHim.com/e/12833/eBook/
Dear Crystal,
Ever wondered why it's so hard to meet a
great guy?
And do you ever wonder why men don't seem
to approach you... even though you're open to
it, "available", and alone everywhere you go?
Do men sometimes act like there's already a
ring on your finger when there's not?
Well, you're about to learn why it's hard
for most women to meet and connect with a great
guy... and what to do about it to change your
luck with men and dating forever.
I'll start by sharing a great direct question
from a reader I know you'll relate to...
**Question From A Reader**
Dear Christian,
I have been wondering if this guy at work is
attracted to me. My instincts tell me he is,
but I can't tell for sure. He's gone the
extra mile to be physically present around our
office, but if he is interested why has he not
approached me? I've been trying to play it safe
since I do want to approach him but I'm not sure
if I should.
What do you think?
What would be a good safe way to start up a
friendly conversation?
-D
>>My Comments
Great question. Wrong thinking.
Let me ask you...
Do you want to spend your precious time
and energy waiting around for a man to figure
things out, finally decide he's interested in
you... and make it all work for you?
Or would you like to be able to CREATE what
it is that you're looking for FOR YOURSELF?
I'm going to guess that you'd like to know
more about helping things work for yourself so
you don't have to depend on a man...
But I'm sure that learning to UNDERSTAND MEN
BETTER wouldn't hurt either, so I'll throw in
some tips on this level too.
By the way... if you want the quickest and
easiest way to jump-start your dating success
and start learning to create what it is that
you're REALLY looking for with a man, and you're
tired of dead-end dates and relationships...
then you need to read and start using all the
amazing tips and ideas that are inside my
eBook "Catch Him & Keep Him".
You can get a copy right now if you go here:
http://www.CatchHimAndKeepHim.com/e/12833/eBook/
Now, let's get back to it.
There's something PAINFULLY OBVIOUS going on
here you probably haven't considered.
And it's something important I want you to
remember that most women never seem to get about
men-
Men are AFRAID of REJECTION.
Stop for a second and think about it...
Men have a million different reasons of
their own for NOT talking to a woman and not
asking her... most of which have NOTHING to
do with him not being interested and not
wanting to be with her.
Let me share with you a couple of things
you might not have thought about before that
will expand your AWARENESS of what's going on
with men.
Did you know that a man will often be even
MORE AFRAID of rejection when it comes to asking
out a woman he already knows?
Seriously.
To most women, it seems like the opposite
would be true... but it's not.
A man feels like he has a whole lot more
to lose by "hitting on" a woman who is inside
his social circle than he does with a woman
who's a perfect stranger.
Of course, you might never get the idea from
a man that he wouldn't be totally comfortable
or confident about approaching a woman from the
way he acts, or the fact that he can talk to you
about work or any other less personal topic...
But the reality is that when it comes to
approaching women and asking them out, most men:
A) Don't know what to do or say to find out if a
woman is interested
B) Don't know HOW to ask a woman out
C) Feel so nervous at the thought of approaching
a strange new woman that they have to literally
run away from the situation
D) Worry intensely what might happen if they "cross
the line" from friendly conversation to what
might be considered a "sexual advance"
In other words... for a man, showing a woman
that he's interested and asking her out can be
very very RISKY.
If a man in your office was interested
in you... and he went up to you and decided
to ask you out, inside his mind here's the 3
most likely outcomes:
1. You'd REJECT him as you felt "creeped out"
by him making a sexual advance... and you'd
spread the word that he was a weirdo and
he'd become an outcast among your office peers
2. You'd both reject him, and you'd file a
sexual harassment complaint
3. You'd say yes and you'd perhaps go out on
a date that might or might not go well
So let me ask you...
How do these potential outcomes compare
when you look at all 3 of them?
Well, 2 of these outcomes are what you might
think of as very harmful or destructive for
a man.
And just 1 of the outcomes has a some small
potential to bring more fun and enjoyment into
his life.
Here's the point...
In lots of situations, men simply won't
take the risk of approaching a woman in a
personal or "sexual" way because the risk isn't
worth the potential reward.
Men don't think about all this consciously
of course. They make these decisions in a snap
second based on the way that they FEEL in the
moment around a woman.
A man's behavior with a woman he isn't close
or intimate with yet is decided and all takes
place in an INSTANT where a man either "feels it"
for a woman and decides that it's "safe" for him
to move forward... or not.
And here's something else fascinating you
need to know...
After years and years spent talking to both
men and women about love, relationships, dating
and attraction... there's something I've found
to be universally true-
Deep down most men see WOMEN as the ones
who hold all the "control" and "power" when it
comes to dating, sex, and relationships.
For most men, it's their absolute everyday
reality that WOMEN are the ones who decide what
happens when dating, who LEAD the situation
forward when and how they want, and are the
one's who ultimately say Yes or No.
Of course, if you're like most women, then
you see things differently...
Deep down you see a MAN as the one who holds
all the control and power in the dating world.
And for you it's the MAN who is the one
who decides if there's going to be a connection,
and whether or not things are going to move
forward... and that something real, like a great
relationship, will only happen if he allows it
to happen and subtly LEADS and decides to let
the situation go this way.
But wait a minute.
How could men and women both be experiencing
the same thing about the other?
By now I think you're starting to see where
this is going.
The good news is that just by becoming AWARE
of the fact that men can and do feel EXACTLY
the way you often do when it comes to meeting,
dating, and getting things started is a HUGE
EYE-OPENER that will change your entire
perspective and approach forever for the better.
If you let it.
Why He Isn't Asking You Out
So we've already covered the fact that
approaching a woman can be very RISKY and
dangerous for a man.
In fact, the way we humans developed, for
males it was literally a matter of life or
death.
If a woman rejected him, he might be not
only "outted" from his group or community
and never get to have children... but other
males would literally hurt or kill him as
a result.
There's some intense "wiring" built into
this process of finding and meeting a woman
for a man.
Anyways, enough of the deep stuff for now.
Let me fill in some other gaps here for you
about men and getting things started...
Did you know that TONS of great women walk
around constantly believing that there are
NO GOOD MEN OUT THERE?
While TONS of good men live their lives
single, alone, and frustrated that they can't
meet a great woman who is sweet, attractive,
and loving of them for who they really are?
This fact about men and women never ceases
to amaze me.
No matter where I go, over and over again
I see men who are scared stiff of approaching
women and simply starting conversations.
So much so that the men who are actually
CONFIDENT and genuinely comfortable and
AUTHENTIC in the way they can interact with
and approach and meet women, makes them instantly
popular and "powerful" among other men.
It's incredible to watch how this works
and plays out among men.
Anyways...
One of the most powerful things that goes
on for men that keeps them from connecting with
great women is this-
The MORE INTERESTING and ATTRACTIVE a woman is
to a man... the more SCARED and NERVOUS the man
becomes around her.
Funny how that works.
I know TONS of great guys who are confident,
fun, smart and successful... and can walk into a
room full of people and work all kinds of magic
from helping others, engaging in incredible and
riveting conversations, to leading and supporting
and listening all at the same time.
But even these men simply don't feel
like they'll ever be able to meet and attract
a great woman.
And that when push comes to shove, they just
don't have that special something, that unique
charm, or the right stuff that would make a
woman want to go out with them.
Let alone know what to actually SAY to a
woman to have her become interested in him.
For most men, the idea of how to get a woman's
personal and "sexual interest" completely and
utterly ELUDES THEM.
But why is this?
Well, for starters, some men have a sense
of what I'll call SHAME about being a sexual
person, and about engaging with a woman in a
sexual way when not expressly invited to do so.
But that's a whole other story...
Most men claim that they can't or don't
meet, talk to, or ask out women that they
are interested in because, as they say,
"So many women are 'bitchy' or 'uptight'."
Of course, this is just a defense to keep
them from feeling worse about themselves or
risk REJECTION.
Lots of men, and I mean LOTS, also complain
about how there aren't any good women out there
that would be interested in them for who they
REALLY ARE... unless they were richer, more
powerful, more talented, better looking, etc.
Not true, as you know.
The SECRET and REAL REASON that these men
can't and don't "make the move" even when the
right woman is right there in front of them
is because most men simply don't know how to
GET THE CONVERSATION STARTED with a woman and
actually CONNECT with her on a personal and
emotional level.
This is what one of my good friends calls
a man's "Secret Excuse".
Hmmm. And wouldn't you know it... this kind
of thing seems to be a lot like what women are
experiencing when it comes to men. (hint, hint)
How many women have you heard say,
"There aren't any good guys out there."
"Men don't like 'real' women like me. They
want some other fake plastic Barbie doll."
Or my recent favorite...
"Men are all so screwed up. I'm better off
and happier not even thinking about dating."
As if these women can "turn off" the need
and desire for love and connection in their
life.
If you're paying close attention here, then
some light bulbs are starting to go off inside
your head.
I find it amazing how the truth becomes so
clear for us when we can see our own challenges
and struggles through the lives of others.
So, what do you think you have in common
with a man who is holding on to his "Secret
Excuse" for why he can't meet a great woman?
I'll give you a few moments to think about
it.
..
..
If you spent the time for yourself here,
then you had some strong and clear REALIZATIONS
by asking yourself this question.
Here's 2 things that I'd strongly recommend
you do right now:
1) Write your thoughts down
I can't tell you how valuable it is to
capture those moments of clarity and insight
in your life and put them somewhere you can
keep them in your conscious mind and keep
learning and growing from them.
2) Keep the process of asking the right
questions and getting back clear and powerful
answers that guide you...
One of the VERY BEST ways of doing this
and keeping your growth and learning process
going is to immerse yourself in the right
situations and the right information that will
bring about those amazing INSIGHTS and
REALIZATIONS for you.
If you'd like to read something that can
quickly create these situations for you where
you keep learning, grow wiser, and see yourself
and men in a much clearer light... then I
suggest you get yourself a copy of my eBook
"Catch Him & Keep Him".
In it I cover not just what you need to
know about men, their "dating psychology",
and the deeper reasons the way they act and
respond the way they do...
But I also go into great depth about the
common emotional things that YOU are going
through, and your own secret excuses for not
being the ATTRACTIVE and DESIRABLE WOMAN that
a man can't help but want to get to know and
be with.
There's a great idea I love thinking about...
A problem can't be solved by the mind that
created it.
If you don't know WHY things are going the
way you want with a man, but you can clearly
read the signs and identify all the PROBLEMS
and things that are going wrong... then odds
are it's going to be VERY HARD to figure out
how to change your situation by using the same
thinking and mindset that created your problems
in the first place.
If you don't know how to make a "shift",
or you don't find NEW ANSWERS and a new way
of seeing things that will show you what you
need to do next... then you're going to keep
pushing the right man away.
Or keep him from wanting to meet you and
get to know you in the first place.
It's time you invited growth and change
into your life, and stopped trying to solve
your frustrations and problems with men with
the very mindset that helped create them.
You can download my eBook right now and
be reading it in just a few minutes if you
go here:
http://www.CatchHimAndKeepHim.com/e/12833/eBook/
Now...
Wouldn't it be great if you knew how to start
a conversation with a man you're interested in
and take his attraction and interest for you to
the next level so that he'd ask you out?
Well, for lots of women, they're not sure
exactly what to say, when to say it and how a
man will respond and what to do about it.
Let's take a look at What most women do in
this situation.
Here's a short list of the usual things women do
when they're interested in a guy.
I call these the "doing what makes sense"
courtship behaviors, because they all center
around the idea of doing what makes sense to you
instead of what works for the other person.
-Pursuing a man by trying to arrange ways to
"accidentally" be around him and starting "safe"
and casual conversations, hoping that something
will spark.
-Telling a man how much you like him early on
-Trying to hint to a guy that you want to be taken
out or trying to convince him to go out with you
-Simply standing next to a man, or constantly
putting yourself in his "physical space", but
never directly engaging him or opening yourself
at all in hopes that he'll make something happen
for you
-Becoming the "super-friend" and doing favors for
the guy without him asking, or buying gifts to try
to win over his affection.
If you've seen or done any of these before,
then I don't have to tell you that they don't
often lead to great RESULTS with a man.
They might get a man to pay a little
attention to you for a moment. Or a few days
or weeks.
But they surely don't give him that gut-
level feeling inside where he wants to be with
you, and only you.
If you've done any of these things with men
in the past, or you're doing any of them now,
then you need to CUT IT OUT!
The reality is that, whether you'd like to
look at it or not right now... lots of women
make the same common mistakes with men.
So, if you're an attractive and desirable
man... and you have women who are interested
in you and want your time and attention, then
guess what?
You start to see that a lot of women seem
to all behave in a lot of similar ways.
And besides the fact that it's just kind
of weird seeing several women do the exact
same things with you... it makes the women
who do these same things not seem so unique
or special.
Especially if the things that a lot of
these women are doing are things that are
UNATTRACTIVE to you and give you that "Ewww"
feeling inside your stomach.
It's bad enough to be PREDICTABLE with a
man, and look to him like all the other women
out there that he's NOT interested in.
But it's even worse when your PREDICTABLE
behaviors are the things that really make a
man lose interest and never want to be with
you.
BORING and PREDICTABLE are the enemies of
ATTRACTION.
So what can you do or say when approaching
a man to not be boring?
I'm so glad you asked.
There's an attitude I've seen that does
wonders to create attraction and interest in
men just through conversation.
I call it the "Playful & Independent"
attitude.
Let me give you a very specific example
and tell you a quick story....
The other day my friend Rob was in the market
shopping for some ingredients for a dinner he was
cooking.
Rob's a great single guy who likes to throw fun
dinner and cocktail parties just because.
And from what I hear from most women who meet
him, he's quite the catch too.
Anyways, he was in the produce section at the
market and a woman was next to him that he could
kind of sense was interested and wanted to talk.
She had picked out a head of lettuce right
before him, and he put his hand out to pick up
some too.
Then as he grabbed the lettuce, the woman looked
over at him quickly and said, "Copycat", flashed
a wry grin at him, then kept on doing her shopping
like she wasn't waiting for him to do anything.
Rob loved it. He took the playful comment and
immediately fired back in his own playful way.
Then as the conversation went on, she put
similar playful and flirtatious comments out there
and then backed off and waited for Rob to pick
up the slack and take the ball and hit it back
to her.
Next thing you know, Rob turned the conversation
to the party he was having and invited the woman
over and it turned out to be a great date.
Weeks later now they're dating and growing
closer.
So what went on there? It didn't sound like
that much, right?
Well, first, the woman didn't use the "what
makes sense" stuff that lots of women use.
She could have made eye contact with Rob,
waited for him to talk to her, and then asked
him questions like, "What's your name?", or
"What do you do?".
BORING.
Instead, the woman decided to take a playful
approach that intrigued him and didn't have any
of the common boring predictable conversational
stuff.
And it was so different that it made him curious,
compelled him to take an interest in her and he
couldn't help but respond and engage in the playful
conversation.
Nice.
And once they started talking she kept the
attraction and playful tension alive and built
more of it by taking one step ahead with playful
comments, and then waiting and taking a step
back so that Rob would be drawn in and involve
himself.
So in very subtle psychological ways, the woman
was indicating to Rob several things:
-She wanted to have fun with him but didn't just
come out and say it by being too predictable
with the way she showed it
-She was different than other women in a good way
-She wasn't scared, nervous or dependent on the
outcome or what Rob was going to say. She was
having a good time personally, no matter what
-She wasn't going to just pursue Rob. She made
sure that he was drawn in and interested by his
own choices and decisions by leaving space for
him to talk and be playful back so that there
was a "back and forth" to the playful conversation
and flirting
I see all this as a kind of magic mix that is
extremely attractive to men that I go into detail
explaining how it works, and how to have it start
working for you with men quickly and easily so
that men will instantly respond to you.
In my eBook "Catch Him & Keep Him" I spend
an entire chapter teaching you step by step how
to ATTRACT A MAN on a deep level that goes way
beyond the common and casual Physical Attraction
that a man can feel for a woman so easily.
And I teach you all of this after I've already
filled you in on all the important EMOTIONAL
aspects of what's going on inside a man's mind
when he's meeting a woman and deciding if she's
someone he'd like to "date", have a casual fling
with... or if she's the kind of woman he wants
to get to know on a deeper level and not just have
fun with but build a lasting relationship with.
Part of the key to attracting a man for more
than just a "hook-up" is knowing what draws a man
in on a more emotional level.
There's a whole other kind of ATTRACTION that
I show you about that men feel and experience.
If you know how to "speak a man's language"
when it comes to this level of attraction, then
getting close to a man and moving towards
something that could LAST can be smooth and
easy.
And if you don't, then as you know...
everything between you and a man can feel like
WORK, and he'll RESIST YOU at every step along
the way.
So don't stay stuck where you are.
It's time to let your mind, your awareness,
and the way you interact with men GROW and
start to bring you the experiences that you
really want.
My eBook is a great way to get started today.
And best of all, you can download it right
now and be reading it in just a few minutes
from now.
I'll even let you download it and read the
entire thing and spend time learning and
growing with all the information, insights,
and tips inside before you even have to decide if
you'd like to pay for it or not.
So don't waste any more of your precious
time or energy.
Go here now and get your copy of my eBook:
http://www.CatchHimAndKeepHim.com/e/12833/eBook/
And if you're already dating a man, but
you're having a tough time with the UNCERTAINTY
of where things are going...
And your intuition is telling you that he
isn't "feeling it" the way he did at first
for you and that he's not really that into
growing closer and deepening your love and
your relationship...
Then there's something you should know-
A man has HIS OWN REASONS for wanting to
be in a real, lasting, committed relationship
with a woman... or not.
And these reasons are very different than
the reasons YOU might want to grow closer to
him.
If you don't understand HIS REASONS for
wanting a more committed and loving relationship,
and you don't know HOW and WHY he'll end up
committing to you (other than the fact that
he should)... then he's probably not going to
RESIST any kind of movement forward from what
you have right now.
And trying to get him to see what you see,
and sharing how YOU FEEL is only going to make
him feel like pulling away and withdrawing
more.
To learn how and why a man goes from being
"casual" with a woman and dating her to feeling
deeply involved and engaged in a loving
relationship where HE is ASKING YOU for more
of a commitment, then you need to discover all
the tips and insights inside the program I
created to help your relationship grow-
It's called "From Casual To Committed", and
it's the guide that will show you the entire
"map" of how a man goes from not knowing what
he wants with a great woman in his life... to
being so sure and committed on all levels in
his life that he'll want to be with you and
only you.
You can read all the details about this
amazing program below. And if you're really
and truly ready to learn what it takes to show
the man in your life that you really are the
woman for him that he'll be happy being with...
then go to the link below and let me ship you
a free copy for you to try out for an entire
month.
http://www.CatchHimAndKeepHim.com/e/12833/FCTC/
The only thing you've got to lose by
trying this program is the anxiety that
comes from NOT acting to improve your own
life and your own experience.
Don't wait for later when now is the time
where you're here, you're open to growth and
change... and you know that this could possibly
bring the love and certainty you've always wanted.
Try my "From Casual To Committed" CD/DVD
program. I promise you'll love it and thank
me for it later.
So go here and get it now:
http://www.CatchHimAndKeepHim.com/e/12833/FCTC/
I'll talk to you again soon, and best of luck
in Life and Love!
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
