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PhiloNerd's blog: "Random things"

created on 12/23/2008  |  http://fubar.com/random-things/b267427

How to Know if You Are Hetero

Determining your sexual orientation can be a confusing experience. If you have started to wonder if you are het, these tips can help. However, only you will know. It may take years, or it may even change over time. Just know that however you identify, you are still a valuable human being, no matter what others may say. Eventually, you may end up accepting that you are straight; but then again, you may discover that you are indeed queer after all. You may pass on to the next step of accepting that you are straight, and eventually to having a successful heterosexual relationship.

Steps

1. Learn about the various definition of Straight; there are many different considerations on the subject, depending on whom you talk to, but be honest with yourself as to what defines being straight to you. The debate on the subject is often referred to as the "nature versus nurture" conundrum. (Are you born this way, or does environment and upbringing play a contributory role?)

2.

  • Some people believe that anyone and everyone have the potential to have a sexual or romantic relationship with a member of the opposite sex.
  • Some people believe that heterosexuality is a biological or genetic condition; that you are naturally born straight. Others may agree that you might be born straight, but believe that it is the act of having a hetero relationship that makes you straight. Still others believe that heterosexuality is a product of one's environment and the experiences of your life, that is to say, that events in one's life contribute to your sexual orientation.
  • Some believe that simply fantasizing about sex with a member of the opposite sex is proof that you are straight, but others believe that it is merely a sign that you might be leaning that direction.

3. Understand that fantasizing about members of the opposite sex does not necessarily make you straight. Gay people can have the occasional "opposite sex fantasy"; a woman having a strange dream involving a heterosexual experience, or a man wondering about what it feels like to snog that tough-looking girl on the soccer team, but it does not mean that they would jump on the chance when actually given the opportunity to do so.

4. Understand that if you and a member of the opposite sex have had intercourse, it does not mean that you are now exclusively heterosexual. After all, if you were gay, which indeed may be the case, you did not have to have sex with a member of the same sex to be able to say that you are gay.

5. Realize that there are many different paths to discovering your sexuality; some people may have known that they were very, very ordinary from a young age, while others take time to discover it, perhaps even in later life.

6. Understand that sexuality is a very complex issue. There is room for every degree of sexuality: some will be exclusively straight or gay, and never consider having sex outside their normal orientation. Some lesbians occasionally seek out male partners, and some gay men seek out females. There are many degrees of sexual orientation, and if you find you don't fit easily into one category, perhaps you are bisexual. Don't allow yourself to be labeled until or unless you are ready and willing to be.

7. Respect others' privacy. Do not attempt to undermine a straight friend or family member's realization of his or her sexuality. In a matter of speaking, they chose to be heterosexual the same day you chose to be gay - think about it; you never did choose either.

8. Think about your past romantic experiences with the same sex. How did you feel when that guy kissed you? Were there fireworks when you made out with that one spectacular girl? Who did you have crushes on? What kinds of fantasies did you have? What do you feel comfortable with and enjoy doing? Try looking at "sexy" pictures of both the opposite gender and your own; study them, and decide what you find attractive, and what turns you on.

9. Examine your recent behavior with your friends and acquaintances. If you're a girl trying to decide whether or not you are straight, has there been a close male friend you felt extra possessive, or protective of? One that you wanted to be your 'best friend forever' - and you insisted that you were his 'best friend forever', too? Did you just want to be his best friend, or did you take it a little too far? Guys, if you go for the tickle on the same girl friend at every band practice, consider whether or not you're also trying to make it to the instrument locker room at the same time. Are you more than passingly interested in her? Do you try to get a look at her body, get excited thinking about watching her change into her band jacket? Think about the way you're feeling, and really examine and analyze what it means.

10. Remember that you are not alone. There are many, many heterosexual people in the community from a variety of backgrounds who have been in your situation. Your parents, friends, teachers and other people in your life can be very supportive, if you feel comfortable talking about this with them. Talking to friends and family members if and when you are ready, and when you feel comfortable and safe can be a great help. Many people who you might think would not be very supportive might be very understanding. Being straight is not the end of the world! Do not attempt to undermine a straight friend or family member's realization of his or her sexuality. In a matter of speaking, they chose to be heterosexual the same day you chose to be gay - think about it; you never did choose either.Hide these ads

 

 

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