IliKemonKeyS's blog: "how i have felt or wanted"

Hello you goodbye me I need too get away from this feeling so you take over ill go away.

Who would mind anyway.

I don’t need to be all I want is to be set free
I’m entrapped in my own body.

I fight but I lose maybe this is what I choose.

It must be my fault all the bad things that have happened
All the people who came and went.

It has too be me I’m the one to blame I feel so much shame.

Its like I disappeared went some where else during those times.

I wanted to say no but I couldn’t get out.

I felt weak in the knees and wanted to scream this isn’t me.

But maybe just maybe I deserve this consist nagging in my mind.

My heart has fall and broken so many times.

All I want is to not care this I have tried.

It seems I trust to much think maybe just maybe if I give them what want they will stay around.

But hey not everyone stays mostly they all leave any way I cant keep you your not mine.

Even if you were id chase you away after time.

You don’t want me you don’t need me trust me.

I’ve redone things that I hate I feel like I try hit home run but I barely make it off the plate.

So please don’t want me don’t need me don’t oh my gosh if anything don’t love me.

I beg this please  because I cant give you  what you want I suck at putting up a front so just leave like I know you will.

stubborn twisted mean diseased and suddenly pleased  hated debated and misrelated miscommunication   wishing intoxication lifeful or is it lifeless up down spinning round and round confused used wishing to be abused scream moan dreadfully alone the pain the hate the  fact the  fiction  the misdirection  the pure infliction…

What can I say what can I do I  guess  I am what they call a hopeless foul.
I don’t know what I want I don’t know what I need but there something that I feed upon.
That use to be so strong its getting weaker my fix isn’t  as easy as it use to be . It doesn’t give me the same high.
The more I get the more I crave I cant get enough
But the want is seeming to get less and less.
But the want for the high still doesn’t die
I wish I knew how to stay satisfied
This smile is fading and I am starting to get jaded and  the rage an pain sometimes gets to be too much I feel like I might loss touch.
Wishing I was numb wishing I could escape this pain its like a cut that wont heal. Energy I can not deplete I get no fucking sleep my mind is simply starting to work off bleeps.