I was watching a movie about a football team tonight and thought back about how much dedication it takes. I remember pushing myself physically and mentally to a point beyond pain and then grinning about it.
I might have gained a lot of things over the years but that's the one thing i wish I had back. I can say I work hard at something now but there's really no comparison. Last week I shoveled snow and then complained about how sore I was the next day. When I was 18 I remember my uncles hired me to help them put a roof on a house. When they joked about me not working hard enough I said, "OK", picked up two rolls of roofing, one on each shoulder, and climbed up the ladder to them. When they bitched bout how unsafe that was I laughed they were jealous.
I used to love the challenge of deriving formulas, and that that just makes me laugh now. I don't know what it takes to get that back, but I think it's surely a thing I'm lacking. I think if you push yourself, no mater how far you go, there's a lot of satisfaction that comes with it. But I have no clue how to get back there.
