How cold is it?
It's so cold that...
Travel agencies are advertising tropical vacations in Antarctica.
The local Starbucks is serving coffee on a stick.
When we milked the cows, we got ice cream (the brown cows were giving chocolate ice cream).
...Roosters are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker.
...Politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets.
...I spilled scalding-hot drive-thru coffee on my lap... and THANKED the McDonald's staff!
...Grandpa's teeth were chattering.. . while they were still in the glass!
...Angelina Jolie has been downgraded from "hot" to "tepid".
...We've set up an ice fishing shack... in the bathtub.
...To assuage my head cold, I ate a bowl of chicken soup... with a knife and fork.
...At the city morgue, you can't tell the stiffs from the staff that works there.
...For their daily good deed, boy scouts are helping to de-ice little old ladies.
...The flashers are walking up to people and just describing themselves.
...We've had to salt the hallway.
...My shadow froze to the ground.
...When we put the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, we got... frozen pizza.
...The Iowa DOT has started issuing iceberg warnings for motorists.
...Attendance at local churches is dropping (apparently, hell is actually starting to sound GOOD right now).
..People are trading in their cards for zambonis.
...Parents are actually ENCOURAGING their kids to play with matches.
...The cops aren't yelling "freeze" anymore to stop the bad guys. It's now just sort of a "given".
...Daycare workers have switched from baby oil to WD40.
