Most of you on here do not know me, nor will you ever really get to know me. Most of you will not even read this, you will just click on the link, rate it to get your stupid points, and go back to what you were doing. That's ok tho, this is not for you, it is for me. For those of you that read on, this is a little slice of my fucked up life.
Today was one of the worst days I have ever had, and it makes me very sad. Today I realized... was actually reminded... that for the last 6 days, I have been so selfish, that I forgot my Angel.
A couple of months ago, I made one of, if not the biggest mistakes of my life, by not telling a good friend how I truly felt about her. I feel that I let her down, and she ended up getting hurt very badly by another guy. She has told me many times that I am not to blame for her getting hurt, but I just don't see it that way.
I am slowly pulling myself out of the fog of guilt that I feel for letting her get hurt, but for the last month or so, I have not had the motivation to do much of anything. All I wanted to do when I got home from work is to drink myself numb, so I didn't have to feel the guilt. The only real time that I feel... I don't know how to describe it.... sane, happy, normal?, is when I am talking to her. It lets me know that she does not hate me, even tho I feel like she should. Most other times my mind is just whirling non-stop.
I have a daughter named Talia that I do not get to spend time with. She was 6 months old when I met her, and has not seen her biological "father" since she was 4 months old. I fell in love with that little girl long before I did her mother, and I am the first person she ever called Daddy. Even tho Talia's mother says that I am not her dad, because we are divorced, and I have not gotten to spend any time with her for several years, I still love her the same as I do my biological son, and she still knows who her "dad" is, and she knows that I love her. Talia is my little Angel.
On March 29th, 2007 my little girl turned 13 years old. One of the biggest days of her life...becoming a teenager... and I totally, completely forgot. I let myself get so wrapped up in my self pity, that I forgot my Angel's birthday, until I was reminded today... 6 days later. I feel like a total loser. What kind of asshole forgets his daughter's birthday?
I have always got her presents for Christmas and her birhtday. Always. How in the hell could I let myself forget something that important?
I don't know what else to say. Damn I feel so bad.
If you have read down this far...Thank You for listening. Sorry it is such a downer. Hopefully the next one will not be.
I'm sorry Talia. I will try to make it up to you.
