Whenever I have heard this phrase, I always associated it with sex....but, the Ellen Digeneres Show demonstrated that this isn't always so....
she freaked out an audience member with a new hybrid car....
she freaked another audience member with tickets to the Grammy Show this coming weekend...
she freaked out other people taking a tour and ended up on the show...
she freaked Teri Hatcher out by doing a line dance with the Achy-Breaky Heart song...
and so much more.
In July's issue of Redbook Magazine, they have an article about actress, Rosie Perez, entitled "the parts you play to survive" who had been raised poor and had to play the babysitter for the kids while their Mom was working and sooo much more. She points out that "[w]hen I was 28, my now ex-husband dragged me to therapy because, as he put it: 'When you're at home, you're so loving and cuddly. I wish everyone else could see that side of you, not just the walls.' At that point in my life, the walls were more plaster than brick, but I couldn't deny their existence. When you're raised in a tough environment, you build a tough exterior to protect yourself from everything that's raw inside -- you fight. As this 14-year old girl let down the walls she'd put up to protect herself, I began to recognize her struggle -- and strength -- as my own. I wish she had told me what was going on a long time ago. Then again, I was twice her age before I realized there wasnt' a boxing ring around me anymore. Sometimes, you don't know when to stop fighting."
Stop fighting? In a sense, that is so very true. I didn't necessarily have a tough childhood, but I did argue with my Mom quite a bit, started working long hours with my Dad when I was in the 9th Grade, and was taught that one doesn't mix work and personal life together. This echoed through my head throughout my work careers and was often jealous of people that were comfortable in mixing personal life with work life as what my father said resonnated in my head. When I do start mixing the two, I feel sooooo very guilty because I have always looked up to my father and his extreme brilliance with the businesses that he has.
As a single parent for most of the time in raising my daughter, I found myself working 2-3 jobs at a time to make ends meet. As the busy work set in, I found myself having a harder and harder time to just let go and have fun. Although I did have fun from time to time, I found myself resistant to really let myself go and truly have fun. Work has always been such a serious side of my nature; and, since I work so very much, I am finding less time for the fun to come out of me throughout the years.
My daughter has moved on and left me with the empty nester syndrome. While I have vowed this year to make sure that I socialize more and focus less on work, the truth of the matter is that the world revolves around money; so, to survive, it is off to work I go.... or on the net for my college coursework to provide for a better income in the future.
I have been working hard on being able to socialize more these days -- going to Church on a more regular basis; seeing movies, shopping, and eating out with my daughter; starting up a Meetup group on Cooking; and so much more, to start. I even went outside of my box a bit and met a new female friend that I had been corresponding to on the internet (although I have met some men in person that I had been corresponding with for some time) to expand my female friends base to go do things with when my daughter isn't always available to do so. It is always good to have some good female and male friendships. I have also made it a point to become involved with the apartment complex activities where I live so that I get out and meet more people on a non-work, non-advocacy basis.
While I do keep myself busy with all sorts of advocacy activities (paid and volunteer) and school, I do find that I haven't been able to get my "freak" on as Ellen Digeneres referred to it...or, let those "walls down" as Rosie Perez refers to it to let people see me as I really am. The walls in my life have gone up to protect myself from the bad relationships I had had -- my first two marriages. (My third marriage showed me what it was like to be really treated right by a man!)
Throughout my blogging, I have let down those walls throughout the years, but I still have a ways to go. I went on one date earlier this year, for example, where we went to a karaoke bar and he sang to me, but I couldn't bring myself to get on stage to sing. When I was in my 20's, I wouldn't have had a problem with that. I certainly need to get past all that....
My question to you is this:
Do you have problems at times "getting your freak on"? and, what do you do to move past that? What are you doing this weekend to let the "freak" in you come out in you? How do you reveal the not-so-serious side of you?
Just curious....
((REPRINTED from my www.xanga.com/txbluebonnet2006 6/23/06 blog site))
