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Fired Angel's blog: "hope"

created on 09/14/2006  |  http://fubar.com/hope/b1053
Fuck I miss my dad it has been 9 days since he passed away and i miss him already sooo much...we had his memorial yesterday it was really nice and about 200 or so ppl showed....he will be sadly missed by alot of ppl but most of all his Family now i have to think about how im gonna get through the holidays without my dad being there...fuck this sucks sooooo bad...

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I Lost my dad tonight to cancer it was a long battle but now hes in Heaven and not in pain...for the last two weeks we have been by his side and when he passed away tonight my whole familly was by his side my mom my brothers and my sisters and I...It was sooooooooooooo hard to watch my dad take his last breaths and was hard to see my dad lose his battle against cancer but also was nice to see him not suffer...Thank God for my famiily i am a very lucky girl to have the most wonderfull familly in the world and the Greatest Dad ever....I will miss him but he is with me in my heart wherever i go
Well its been two weeks since we were told that my dad was gonna Die of cancer and things have changed a bit...his blood platlet level is deathly low and blood transfusions arent doing anything to help his body produce his own blood platlets so they have decided not to give him anymore blood transfusions...and without them u cant live too long so now its just a matter of time...its hard because a couple days ago we thought my dad had the chance to go home and now he will never leave the hospital alive...this has been the hardest and its only getting harder...I go and spend as much time with my dad as I can and we have fun we laugh we talk we hang out its the best...I wanna Remember his last days with me as happy days not sad...I will not cry in front of him i will only be happy to be able to have this time with him every single second counts and i wanna make it the best...So when im with him I cherish it and save the crying and sadness for when im at home not with him....my dad has lead a great and meaningfull life he has raised 5 kids and done a great Job....My 19 year okd brother told me today that he has never wanted to be like anyone more then he has wanted to be like my dad and he is exactly that...my dad has a great influence on us and a very positive one he will be sadly missed but for now He is in my heart and my prayers go out to him everyday...I love my dad so much...and i will miss him more then anything...the docs think a matter of days now...i cant believe that because my dad is a fighter but at the same time i am hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.
Well this past week has been an emotional roller coaster for me and my whole familly a week ago today we found out my dad has small cell lung cancer which is the fastest progressing type of lung cancer and on top of that he has bone cancer and bone marrow cancer ....thursday night we were all rounded up at my sisters place so my mom and her best friend could tell us...I swear that was the worst night of my whole entire life as i walked down the street knowing mom had something to tell us i was sick to my stomach...the last time we were all asked to get together to talk with my parents was back when my grandpa died so i just knew it wasnt gonna be good....when i walked in the door my mom told me that my dad was very sick and had lung cancer again and he wasnt suposed to make it the weekend....then we had to tell my kids and then we went to see him the next day he didnt even know my name it was scarey knowing i was gonna lose my dad....i cried lots for the first couple of days that was a pain i had never felt b4 and dread to even feel again....I decided that im gonna make the best of what time i have left with my dad so i go see him everyday and now he asks where i am b4 he didnt know me....he has had lots of ppl praying for him and i believe the prayers are working....he went from close to death to maybe comming home...he went from one weekend to a couple months....I truely believe its because of all the prayers and love ppl have for my dad...we have a big familly I am the oldest of 5 kids and i have 3 nieces and 2 kids of my own so he has a lot of love and good support...and my mom is by his side all the time....thank god for the love of familly and friends that make this a bit easier....I decided im gonna make what time i have with my dad the best I can and appreciate it and when he passes im gonna remember him for all the good he has done for us others ppl he loves he truely is an amazing man and has led a good life with many ppl that love and care about him and even look up to him he will not be forgotten but remembered for the Person he was a Great loving Father that was always there for anyone he could....so the next lil while of my life untill God decides its my dads time my life will be devoted to my daddy the man who with the help of my mom made me who i am today.......
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