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Silky's blog: "honest feelings"

created on 08/08/2007  |  http://fubar.com/honest-feelings/b113084

honest feelings

honest feelings Current mood: depressed i gave him my heart. trusting that he wouldn't break it. yet i feel like i'm watching him rip it into a million pieces right in front of me. i always thought that love was to be a good feeling, but this last 6 months i've learned that nothing but pain and anguish can come from love. is it worth it to tell someone that you love them, just to hear them say i love you knowing that they don't mean it? to know that you trusted someone with a part of you that is so fragile , just to watch them throw it agaisnt a brick wall and not care? what do you do when you don't believe them when they say i love you anymore? act like you do? or just quit telling them you love them and hoping that they will quit to? is all he's doing, just trying to make me feel better by saying it? well it makes me feel so much more worse because he can blatently lie to my face about something so serious and important to me. i can't tell if he cares anymore but the worse thing is that i can't tell when he lies to me. i want to trust him. with all my heart i want to trust him. but how can you trust someone that you feel like you don't know anymore? i trusted him before and got burned at the stake for it. is it worth it to keep trying? or is there a point when you just have to walk away no matter how hard it is? i want to leave. i want to walk. but i can't. i won't give up and that's my problem. i have believed everything that hes has said to me. i want to give him the benifit of the doubt, but lately all that has caused is tears. i just want to know if i am wasting my time standing up for him, loving him, trying to be there for him; when apparently he doesn't care if im in his life or not.
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