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Trying right now my hardest to raise the money just to get back to california to restart my life where i left off. Cant find any job down here in florida. Its too depressing where i am living at. Cause if i go back. I know ill have a job waiting. Cause i had a job at kmart there and they are willing to take me back. i would give up a lot things just to go back. I would take the 3 day greyhound trip back from florida to northern california. I used to live in eureka in cali. Miss it and my friends there. 

After my drinking spree last night. Two bottles of bacardi and shots of rum. I was sitting on the sofa talking to my cousins older son and just broke down in front of him and told him what was on my mind. Like why i was depressed before and such. I cried a lot. Then he went to bed. I went to the bathroom and then felt sick near the sofa. Good thing they left me a bucket. Cause i threw up a lot and then passed out on the floor.

What do you do when you're stuck, 
Because the one that you love, 
Has pushed you away, 
And you can't deal with the pain? 
And now you're trying to fix me, 
Mend what he did, 
I'll find the piece that i'm missing, 
But I still miss her, 
I miss her, i'm missing her, 
Oh I miss her, I miss her i'm missing her 

And you're sitting in the front row, 
Wanna be first in line, 
Waiting by my window, 
Giving me all your time, 
You could be my hero, 
If only I could let go, 
But her love is still in me, 
Like a broken arrow. 

She's the thorn in my flesh 
That I can't take out 
She's stealing my breath 
When you're around, 
And now you're trying to convince me, 
She wasn't worth it, 
But you can't complete me, 
She's the part that is missing, 
I miss her, I'm missing her, 
Oh I miss her I miss her, i'm missing her, 

And you're sitting in the front row, 
Wanna be first in line, 
Waiting by my window, 
Giving me all your time, 
You could be my hero, 
If only I could let go, 
But her love is still in me, 
Like a broken arrow. 
Like a broken arrow. 

What do you do 
When your heart's in two places? 
You feel great but you're torn inside. 
You feel love but you just can't embrace it, 
When you found the right one at the wrong time. 

And you're 
Sitting in the front row, 
Wanna be first in line, 
Waiting by my window, 
Giving me all your time, 
You could be my hero, 
If only I could let go, 
But his love is still in me, 
Like a broken arrow.

Right now. My mind is racing. Not the middle of the month and life is messed up again. But due to what something happened last week. I have spent thursday though sunday in jacksonville florida with some friends. One drove five hours to get me to calm me down and try get over this. I am here. 2 years without sleeping good and feeling sick. Finaly slept and feeling a bit better. I just need a new place to call home. Just hope i can find it one day

it's not just the outside...it's the inside too that means the most. some of the most gorgeous, beautiful and best looking people around have proven to be the most ugliest in the world!! beauty really is only skin deep and it runs much deeper than that. real and true beauty lies not only on the outter side but it's in the heart too

Today is Valentines Day
A day to show a love one you care 
But how can you hold them kiss them console them 
When no one is even there 
Today is a day of us together 
And not a second to be left apart
But knowing today won't bring those things 
It continues to break my heart 
I know I'm supposed to be happy 
And I really look the part 
But how can I smile 
And pretend that I'm happy 
When a piece is missing from my heart 
Today won't change the crying 
Today won't change pain 
Today won't change the fact 
That heartache is now a part of my name 
Today for me is lonely
Today for me is untrue 
Today for me is wishing 
That once again I still had you
But wishes are like fairy tales 
They rarely do come true 
So today is a day of loneliness 
And me being sad and blue 
Today for you is laughing 
Because to you my love is a game 
So while your happy spending time with friends 
I'm left to drown in pain 
Today is not a day anymore 
Its a waste of useless time 
Today for me is
Loneliness, heartache, crying, praying 
That soon again you'd be mine
 

All the things i used to do

Dont seem to mean much anymore

Every face and every place

Were lost along the way

Im sitting here all by mysrelf

Looking in the mirror

Holding a old photograph

Oh how it used to be

Everything comes from the heart

I believe that its true

Time changes pride from the heart

its all from the heart

all the words i used to say

Dont mean much anymore

Every hurt and every word

Were bought along the way

Im sitting here all by myself

Looking out the window

Im playing a old record

The same old melody

Every word comes from the heart

I believe that its true

Times mends each hurt from the heart

its all from the heart

theres no need to hide inside

The old world anymore

Youre standing here right next to me

I turn to you and smile

Love it begins from the heart

I believe its true

Time mends each hurt from the heart

I believe its true

Every word comes from the heart

I believe its true

To see spirits, old European grimoires recommend mixing together aloe, pepper, musk, Vervain, and saffron and burning this in a cemetery. You can adapt this for other locations (like those in which the spirit lived) by adding a bit of sweet grass or tobacco to a specially prepared incense. Create the incense on the anniversary of the death of the individual you wish to contact. This is then burned at 11 am, in the safety of a magic circle that also holds symbolic items to connect you to the entity. An incantation to encourage the spirit's presence is "Guardians of the Spirit realm, hear and guide my plea. When the witching hour rings true, bring my friend (loved one, etc.) ____ to me. Other souls who hear my call are not welcome in this place. Only the one known as _____ may enter sacred space." Repeat the request three times, twenty minutes apart, then wait quietly for indications of a presence. Signs include the scent of flowers or a favored cologne, a cool wind, movement of curtains, and candles going out or twitching erratically. Once you feel sure the spirit is with you, do not make it tarry overly long. Take care of your business, say farewell, and thank the guardians for their assistance.
Wasted my soul, test my life For my bread Spend my time lost in space Am I dead? Oh let the river flow Through my callused hands And take me from my own The eyes of the damned It makes my stomach turn And it tears my flesh from bone How we turn a dream to stone And we all die young Oh, Tell me I know I lived so afraid And still we cry alone With words left unsaid We all die young.
Thanks for all you've done I've missed you for so long I can't believe you're gone You still live in me I feel you in the wind You guide me constantly I've never knew what it was to be alone, no Cause you were always there for me You were always there waiting And ill come home and I miss your face so Smiling down on me I close my eyes to see And I know, you're a part of me And it's your song that sets me free I sing it while I feel I can't hold on I sing tonight cause it comforts me I carry the things that remind me of you In loving memory of The one that was so true Your were as kind as you could be And even though you're gone You still mean the world to me I've never knew what it was to be alone, no Cause you were always there for me You were always there waiting But now I come home and it's not the same, no It feels empty and alone I can't believe you're gone And I know, you're a part of me And it's your song that sets me free I sing it while I feel I can't hold on I sing tonight cause it comforts me I'm glad he set you free from sorrow I'll still love you more tomorrow And you will be here with me still And what you did you did with feeling And You always found the meaning And you always will And I know, you're a part of me And it's your song that sets me free I sing it while I feel I can't hold on I sing tonight cause it comforts me
HeartbrokenTime to get the party started
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