Jessica AKA 2Cute4U actually in arizona's blog: "Hmmm"

I feel like i'm chopped liver!WHY? Because I have been asked out on dates here and there and have been hesitant to go.. the few guys that i have gone out with and it seems like we hit it off... i never hear from again. How is it that someone could do that to a person? Flirt really act like you like the person and then act as though nothin happened... Few instances I have taken the step outside the box i have put myself in to take the chance to go out with someone ... and have a fantastic time... only to have this happen. Is it somethin about me that i'm doin wrong? Am i not pretty ? I think I have a great personality .. im funny .. like to laugh but i know how to act in public.. If i like you i will flirt a lil back .. but i'm not all over someone in public nor am i quick to jump in the bed. I guess i'm just wishing that guys would have the decency to be honest with me and say .. look i'm not interested in you like that .. can we just be friends.. That's all i ask... sure it might hurt a lil but honesty is a whole lot better than leaving someone wonder if they did somethin wrong. I know that if i did somethin wrong i would want someone to tell me .. this way i won't make the same mistake again. I'm a really nice girl.. yes i have my issues because i have been hurt so deeply in the past. I have moved on from my ex despite the fact that I still love him.. always will. I just learned that i gotta forget the past and move on to the future... whatever that may be. He will never know how much i really love him because he doesn't wanna give me the chance... so why fight it any more. I just really feel like i'm chopped liver.. that maybe i'm just meant to be single for the rest of my life.. the guys that i am interested in aren't interested in me... perhaps i'm lookin in all the wrong places? Kinda hard to do when you don't drive and don't get out much. I guess i need to make a change... but why take a chance if i cant even get past the first fuckin date!

Hey everyone! There's a new feature on my page in my about me section where you can call this number (it's free!) and leave me a voicemail.. just to say hi or somethin...i think it's kinda cool.. i've already tested it out. Give me a shout out! Try it for me :) Leave me some love and i'll do somethin special to return the favor.. better yet... get the thing and i will leave you voice messages on your page too!

I really need some help friends... i have no idea what to do with this situation.. right now i'm crying hysterically because i can't find anyone to talk to about what's goin on .. and i just figured i would write a blog to tell whats goin on and hopefully get some feedback...I'm prayin to find a solution because i dont know how much more i can take. You see the problem is that i haven't dealt with my ex greg in about 4 months. All of a sudden today i get an email from him on myspace... He had deleted his old one i guess.. i dunno cause i havent heard from him in a long time.. well he's saying shit like im gonna tell steve( guy im seeing) what kinda person i am.. and that my mom is crazy.. just stir up a buncha bullshit. You see, he doesn't wanna see me happy.. swears to God i did everythin under the sun to hurt him.. when actually he hurt me so badly i wasnt even sure i wanted to get in a relationship with someone new. From day one of me and greg's relationship, he hacked into my myspace site ... had a holding on me from the beginning .. I ended up deletin my site 5x in the 8 months we dated because of his hackin he did ... then he ended up workin on my computer in the summer time.. which i later found out he had disabled my firewall and put a tracker on my computer.. so he knew everythin i did on the internet seconds after i did it. I was constantly being confused of hiding shit from him when he never even gave me a chance to open my mouth.. if i said hi or talked to a guy friend of mind, he would be emailin me about it a few seconds later... No lie this wa pure hell. I was constantly being accused of cheating on him, lying to him... just screwing every guy friend i had.. he even made up this bitch tiffany who was supposed to be his ex's sister. She emailed me constantly, calling me awful names such as slut, whore, bitch, you name it.. i was called it ... this was throughout the relationship. Come to find out that when the relationship ended, he confessed that she was fraud.... what kind of guy does that to the girl he supposedly loves? .. someone that is sick and twisted... thats who. Anyways, let me tell you somethin ok... I was not a cheater... i didnt fool around with anyone... I was with him the majority of my time.. when i wasn't i was with my mom/daughter or at work.. I dont drive... dont go to bars/clubs... when the hell was i gonna find time to whore around..NEVER! I'm glad he thought ofme that way... nice eh? Don't you think? Oh there was one time at work where i was having probs with a coworker that was sexually harrassing me... i told greg about it in hopes that he would do somethin .. like confront the guy or somethin as some loving caring bf would do. You know what? He accused me of leading the guy on .. having sex in the stockroom. OMG! I would never in my life do somethin like that ... i am in management and i have better class then that ... BUT according to him, I'm low life scum. I also forgot to mention that after we broke up in jan... he placed a virus on my computer where i couldn't access programs like myspace or aim. He simply didnt want me talkin to anyone, or meetin anyone new. I found this out by gettin the state police involved.. and i tried for a restraining order to which the judge laughed in my face... I was stressing .. was really thinkin i was the worst person on the planet... he had me believing i was low life scum. Anyways, i met steve on mysapce, and it took me 3 months of talkin to him to make up my mind i wanted to be with him... I wasn't sure i wanted a relationship and it took me almost losing him to decide that this is what i wanted... and now that i have been with him for 2 1/2 months and have been happy, greg is gonna ruin it. He hacked into my site again.. I texted him sayin to leave me alone... and he said that he was gonna email steve about me... and tell him these things that aren't true.. he doesn't wanna see me happy.. wants to make my life hell... and he said paybacks,.... paybacks for what.. i never did anything to him. I was really fucked up cause of him.. to the point where i dont care... and knowing that he hacked into my site again just stressed me out all over again. I tried to get hold of steve... tellin him what he's gonnna do.. and that he should delete his site and that i was gonna delete mine.. steve actually made me feel like shit on the phone a few min ago.. basically sayin it's my fault... I HAVENT SPOKEN TO GREG IN 4 months.. today out of theblue he did this to me... I don't want the bastard in my life... ive been avoiding him. And because of him, I'm gonna lose my relationship.. I'm gonna lose out being happy... I'm just gonna be a miserable bitch... Somethin im not .. I just wanna move out of NJ... wanna move on with my life.. wanna get him out of my life... i wish i never met him and i'm sad to say that i did love him alot ... he's hurt me beyond anyone ever could... and is still hurtin me no matter how i try to ignore it ... I love steve with all my heart but i really feel that im gonna lose him in the end... I really am starting to feel like no one is gonna wanna deal with this and i'm gonna be alone... I fuckin hate it .. and oh look.. i'm in hysterical tears again!

I really need some help friends... i have no idea what to do with this situation.. right now i'm crying hysterically because i can't find anyone to talk to about what's goin on .. and i just figured i would write a blog to tell whats goin on and hopefully get some feedback...I'm prayin to find a solution because i dont know how much more i can take. You see the problem is that i haven't dealt with my ex greg in about 4 months. All of a sudden today i get an email from him on myspace... He had deleted his old one i guess.. i dunno cause i havent heard from him in a long time.. well he's saying shit like im gonna tell steve( guy im seeing) what kinda person i am.. and that my mom is crazy.. just stir up a buncha bullshit. You see, he doesn't wanna see me happy.. swears to God i did everythin under the sun to hurt him.. when actually he hurt me so badly i wasnt even sure i wanted to get in a relationship with someone new. From day one of me and greg's relationship, he hacked into my myspace site ... had a holding on me from the beginning .. I ended up deletin my site 5x in the 8 months we dated because of his hackin he did ... then he ended up workin on my computer in the summer time.. which i later found out he had disabled my firewall and put a tracker on my computer.. so he knew everythin i did on the internet seconds after i did it. I was constantly being confused of hiding shit from him when he never even gave me a chance to open my mouth.. if i said hi or talked to a guy friend of mind, he would be emailin me about it a few seconds later... No lie this wa pure hell. I was constantly being accused of cheating on him, lying to him... just screwing every guy friend i had.. he even made up this bitch tiffany who was supposed to be his ex's sister. She emailed me constantly, calling me awful names such as slut, whore, bitch, you name it.. i was called it ... this was throughout the relationship. Come to find out that when the relationship ended, he confessed that she was fraud.... what kind of guy does that to the girl he supposedly loves? .. someone that is sick and twisted... thats who. Anyways, let me tell you somethin ok... I was not a cheater... i didnt fool around with anyone... I was with him the majority of my time.. when i wasn't i was with my mom/daughter or at work.. I dont drive... dont go to bars/clubs... when the hell was i gonna find time to whore around..NEVER! I'm glad he thought ofme that way... nice eh? Don't you think? Oh there was one time at work where i was having probs with a coworker that was sexually harrassing me... i told greg about it in hopes that he would do somethin .. like confront the guy or somethin as some loving caring bf would do. You know what? He accused me of leading the guy on .. having sex in the stockroom. OMG! I would never in my life do somethin like that ... i am in management and i have better class then that ... BUT according to him, I'm low life scum. I also forgot to mention that after we broke up in jan... he placed a virus on my computer where i couldn't access programs like myspace or aim. He simply didnt want me talkin to anyone, or meetin anyone new. I found this out by gettin the state police involved.. and i tried for a restraining order to which the judge laughed in my face... I was stressing .. was really thinkin i was the worst person on the planet... he had me believing i was low life scum. Anyways, i met steve on mysapce, and it took me 3 months of talkin to him to make up my mind i wanted to be with him... I wasn't sure i wanted a relationship and it took me almost losing him to decide that this is what i wanted... and now that i have been with him for 2 1/2 months and have been happy, greg is gonna ruin it. He hacked into my site again.. I texted him sayin to leave me alone... and he said that he was gonna email steve about me... and tell him these things that aren't true.. he doesn't wanna see me happy.. wants to make my life hell... and he said paybacks,.... paybacks for what.. i never did anything to him. I was really fucked up cause of him.. to the point where i dont care... and knowing that he hacked into my site again just stressed me out all over again. I tried to get hold of steve... tellin him what he's gonnna do.. and that he should delete his site and that i was gonna delete mine.. steve actually made me feel like shit on the phone a few min ago.. basically sayin it's my fault... I HAVENT SPOKEN TO GREG IN 4 months.. today out of theblue he did this to me... I don't want the bastard in my life... ive been avoiding him. And because of him, I'm gonna lose my relationship.. I'm gonna lose out being happy... I'm just gonna be a miserable bitch... Somethin im not .. I just wanna move out of NJ... wanna move on with my life.. wanna get him out of my life... i wish i never met him and i'm sad to say that i did love him alot ... he's hurt me beyond anyone ever could... and is still hurtin me no matter how i try to ignore it ... I love steve with all my heart but i really feel that im gonna lose him in the end... I really am starting to feel like no one is gonna wanna deal with this and i'm gonna be alone... I fuckin hate it .. and oh look.. i'm in hysterical tears again!

OMG can i say that everyone was in pissy ass moods today at work? I think i can... management, everyone.. me and two of my fellow supervisors were jokin around with cucumber and lloyd (our human resource mgr) comes in and takes it from us and puts it in the fridge makin a comment about people callin corporate for obscene jokes... i'm like whatever... it just was like "watch out cause someone would bite your head off... i pretty much just stuck to myself today... had to work on fillin my girls and boys accessories.. i was cursing under my breath cause girls was a pain in my ass... all the lil hair barrets and ties.. ughHh! lol. Anyways, I'm so glad to be home where i can take it easy .. and that's just what i'm plannin on doin.. hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.. and everyone will be in better moods.

Steve called me last night .. and i actually had a decent convo for once... i asked him when he was coming home and he said that he was thinkin about leaving this thurs..but that he was goin to take the bus/train and wouldn't be home til this sat... he is gettin a hotel room and wanted me to be able to spend some time with him. But i can't because i have to work til midnight on sat ... and go in at 130pm on sunday... he didn't like that idea.. wants to come home on a day where i have dayshift and the next day off... well that's not until tues when i get done work 430pm and have wed off.. so he's gonna have to stay down there in new orleans a few days longer but i think he can deal with it. My mom said that i should encourage him to stay and i'm tryin .. but it's another 2 months they want him to stay there for training and i'm not sure if i could handle it ... i want him to so that he can advance in his career and better himself and his future.. esp if there's the possibility i'm gonna be in it.. you never know. But he misses his mom and his daughter.. and me and my daughter.. and he just can't take it anymore. The thing that sucks is that he's not gonna tell the people that he is workin for down there that he's leaving.. he's just gonna bounce and i dont think that's right of him. I guess he's afraid that they are goin to convince him to stay .. and he doesn't want that. He's also not gonna tell his mom.. he's gonna surprise her.. well she's full blooded columbian and i know she's not gonna be happy.. she wasn't happy when she came home and found me there one day and i know she's not gonna be happy with this. I'm wondering if i should call her and let her know what he's planning on doin? Maybe she could convince him to stay? I dunno! I really do miss him and I'm not gonna lie, I do want him home.. he's been gone the majority of this relationship .. and i really wanna see how things would progress when we are together. I have stuck by him.. sometimes i doubt myself for doing it .. but i figured i would try ... I dunno what to do .. my mom said that if i convince him to stay down there that she would watch dess for a few days so i can go visit ... but that's if he stays.. i dunno ... i need help and advice on what to do here!

I'm just frustrated.. I've been in these really controlling relationships and try to look for a way out i guess.. and I can tell i'm not really happy ... but any time i start to like someone new, they change their mind about me.. I just dunno... It's like why even bother anymore to try. I want a serious relationship.. i wanna eventually settle down and get married... I want all that in my life... but will that ever happen? That's the ?... no one knows what they fuckin want in life anymore. It sucks.. it really really does. I also don't wanna be treated like shit .. but i just seem to find the guys that wanna do that to me.. I guess cause i'm such a sweet girl that tries to make everyone happy, that they feel I can be walked all over. I'm starting to fight back ... but it's just that is there any nice guys out there? I wonder if there really is!

I'm just really pissed off... no wait upset! I got a phone call from my bf at 1am last night and i wasn't a good call... he's down in new orleans doing some training for work. He has no internet access so he can't check is myspace site or anythin... He gave me his password and told me to check it and let him know what the messages say. Well, being that i got out of a bad relationship in January where my ex just hacked into everything on the computer, I'm hesitant about doing shit like that, so i only log on when he tells me to. The problem is that I have the password and everything saved to my computer. I didn't really memorize anything...well he wanted his password cause i guess someone was gonna let me use his laptop and well I had a hard time giving it to him. Well because i couldn't, he was like, what good are you...You can't be my wifey cause you don't do anything to help me.. and just saying hurtful things like that. 1st of all, he woke me up at 1am.. i fell asleep at 11pm... he's lucky I even heard my cell phone enough to answer it... 2nd of all, he was in a bar so i know he had been drinkin a lil. I'm just upset because he acted like I haven't been there for him when I have. I have stood by him the past 6 weeks he has been away.. done everythin he has asked me to do... and the funny thing is that we hadn't been going out long before he even left in the first place. I really believed that the relationship could work and so i opted to do that for him. I opted to stand by him... I wanted to be there for him.. so he had someone to come home to. You know, after i finally figured out the password, he hung up on me... I started to cry. He was threatening to break up with me and saying all these hurtful things.. I tried callin him back and he said somethin bout roaming charges and hung up on me again. So he couldn't even have the decency to call me to see if i was ok. I dunno what the hell is wrong with me.. why do i stay involved with these kinds of relationships? I should have left him...someone that is not that appreciative of the things i do... i just don't know... I am beginning to see the possibility of a very controlling relationship. Most of my serious relationships have been with controlling guys... I just got out of one in Jan. I dunno how much more i can take to be honest with you. I just would like to meet someone that treats me with respect... anytime i think i do, they end up stop talkin to me, or everythin just falls apart. But for now i just am stuck.. I love the guy to death but i don't wanna be treated like shit either. He will be home in two weeks.. we are gonna have a convo and if things don't straighten out then i'm gone. I can't deal with this anymore!

I'm literally sick n tired of this freakin cold i have... I lost my voice for the past two days.. got it back... called out monday from work.. i now have a headache and the muscles in my stomach hurt from coughing so much ... I literally have to hold my stomach when i cough ... and i feel like my lungs are gonna collapse...oh well.. im tryin.. at least i have my voice back.. lol. Anyways, work is frustrating me... and i'm just having a difficult time... but i will be ok.. lol! I'll get through it!