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JennJenn's blog: "Sat 4/25/09"

created on 04/25/2009  |  http://fubar.com/sat-4-25-09/b292562

hmmm

in the world we live in we either care to much or care to little. where is the medium? why isnt there one near me when i need one? i feel i do everything and anything wrong. im just a waterfall waiting to burst open and let the water flow and flow and drain me completely empty. yup thats how i feel right now. completely emtpy and i havent even burst threw the damn yet. when did life get so hard and complicated? when does it get easier and stay easier? happy? i try so hard to do everything right and make everyone happy but where is that getting me? no where. how come? cuase ppl just keep takin it and taking it and it wont ever stop. soon its not even thanked for anymore its expected. and once its expected its required and how do u stop it then? im almost 23, when do i---I-- get to start doing stuff that makes ME better? i fucked up my life a couple years back and everyday i think about it and regrett it. now i have found a solution that will fix it and make me a better person. but am i going to do it? most likely not. why? cuase it will make the ones around me sadden and hurt and i cant bear that. i care to fucking much. im tired of it. i want the Jenn back that was in highschool and right outta highschool. the one that was confident, didnt worry about hurting others, knowing that the ones u love WONT walk away into the night cause you do one thing that upsets them, the one that had goals and dreams. im tired of being made feeel like i cuase ppl pain and emptyness when i try so fucking hard to fill it. im just about done. i cant take much more. im a very strong willed and has a shoulder on my head but i cant take much more. no one really knows what i want cause they dont stop to ask. its all about them. well i think jenn needs to start making it about jenn and doing what she needs to do for HER future and for the children NOT here yet to give them the best life possible instead of a bad one. yup, think it is.

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