Well let my say that there was some point in my life when things started to begin getting real ugly.
My mother always was the target of my father. He is uhm how to say it very pushy and always wanted to have his right, even when he didnt had it.
On one day i didnt liked what my father did to my mum and i got in the middle.
Bad choice 1: never get in the middle
You know why. Suddenly you are the target and get kicked from both ends. My mum didnt kick as hard as my father, but her hand was furious and sore on the cheek or ass.
Soon i had the biggest of problems with my dad and yes i was i think 11 or 12 and i dont remeber quite well, but we had an place where my dad put charcoal in. An dark place, i was there lots of times.
My memory of the past is blurred and i am suffering from blocking events out of my mind. To protect myself.
Now i am 38 and the blurred fragments getting an shape and form and vision. I saw my father hunt my mum with an axe. She is still alive but the memory of that. I saw my father choking her. I sometimes ask my mum why didnt you leave him, she says well your father is ill had an attaque on the brain, he cant help it.
Love works in mysterious ways.
I cant remember an part of my life anymore due to drug-abuse. When i was 18 years old i ran away from home. Was tired of getting in the middle and standing in the middle.
when i was already down on my first Major Depression what i dindnt know on that moment, i started to use drugs.
I think i will tell next time more.
