this is getting increasingly more difficult for me to swollow
and i've only injested a sliver of the recommended dosage
i believe the medicine to be more sickening than the sickness itself.
i've rambled here with no resolve
i've pondered the situAtion through different eyes
the view get distorted but always
everytime focus does it's thing and makes it all clear again,
in the clearity the filth is exposed.
i'm afraid to make the change because of the fear of failure
i've not failed because i won't try
so i guess i'm a failure for that.
i will indulge in self destructive vices and push everyone away,especially those that insist that there are better things for me
i rebuke them and curse them for that confidence in me that i lack
i believe that i can leap to the moon i just don't see the point
who will i share the view with
i can go these places in life but i have to leave all the people behind to do so,
i must.
over and over from season to season day by day month by month year by year i get up higher and higher emotionallly and i jump higher just so i can hit the ground harder and i can feel worse, in a way feeling bad is the only time i feel really good. i complain about making decisions when some people don't have a choice.
i wish that i could be the person that my parents tell their cruddy friends about but i'm not
i'm selfish, lazy and slightly perverse
and sometimes i can't speak cause of nervousness
not so much of embarresment or rejection but more about the outcome of the banter.
i fully believe that i may actuallly be the anti-______
i'm sorry this funk came out of no where
i'll get over it
FUCKIN END
