Am not quite sure what I'm doing anymore...Ever. And just so you know, this isn't meant to be one of those "Oh please, show me some pity!" Deals. This is just for me to say. I wake up with no real aim, I mean I know what I want to do with my life, but I don't know how to occupy my life until then. I'm always broke, so when my friends do something, I need to get money from them and I can't pay them back, which makes me feel like shit.
I can never keep a relationship because I can't seem to keep anyone happy. I can always find a way to do something wretchedly stupid. And anyone I seem to crush on remotely, finds someone else. And if that's not it, they live thousands of miles away. The most amazing, beautiful, wonderful girl I have ever meant lives clear across the country, and as much as I want her, I'm afraid, like everything else, it won't work out.
When the weather starts getting nice I get depressed, but just when it starts, not when it stays. Most people get depressed in winter, but I guess I'm not like most people lol. But when I get depressed, I think about stuff like this, so I don't think it's anyhting to worry about, it's not like I'm a manic depressive.
Love.
Everything is perfect
Everything is worthless
No reason to live
No need to die
I am the ugliest
Most beautiful
Most hateful
Most caring person
I am in pain all day
And feel nothing all the same
I hate being in love
But I love being loved
I despise violence
But beat myself up everyday
I hate being this way
But I love being nothing
I tried to pull the trigger
But nothing came out...