After's blog: "Her"

I'm in a good place right now. Do you get it? Do you get it? Do you know what I mean. Are we right there. Am I talking to who I want and can never have. Or am I talking to the one I've always had but never seen. Do you know what I mean. You're reading this somewhere and you know what I mean.

Your house is built, your niche is set. The path inside is open wide. Your place is soft and built with love. It's built to last. Strong and secure. Once inside, it belongs to you. To fill with memories of me and you. Until the day you accept the key, it will be a lonely place for me.

I see those laughing eyes, that knowing smile. That knows where you've been and no one else. You sat here, you touched this. Associations.

The Heart and the Mind are often spoken of seperately. However, the Heart is only a metaphor for feelings and emotions that reside in the Mind. So the two are actually one. The Mind only seeks what it believes that it needs. Love is the goal of the heart. Therefore the mind believes it needs love. Though we are much like animals in the biological sense, are minds are much more complex. I can't believe the Mind seeks Love solely for reproduction of the species. Love must serve some other purpose. I speculate that Love might be a way for two halfs to become whole. Duality reduces. This gives a new meaning to Soul mate. Soul mates being less when alone grow stronger when together. The two complement and complete when together. Essentially becoming one. This oneness achieved on a global scale could be the next step in human evolution. These aren't new ideas really. I think Tantra touches on this in part. Its just come together in my mind while thinking of my other half. I could probably think more clearly if she were here. So I think the search isn't in vain after all.

I love you. I hate you. I forgive you but not me. I'm Sorry. I miss you all the time, even when you're there. I'm no good. I'm better than this. I wish I could be in that place with you. I will always feel your absence. I hope we're always friends. I can't wait to see you again. Please write.

Here I am but where do I go. My path is uncertain but my direction is clear. Love those who deserve it. Tolerate those who don't. Be careful. Paranoia will not destroy ya but keep you safe. I won't make the same mistakes. I won't be a Martyr. I plan to live long.

What do I want? Love. Someone to lay with me, hold me and tell me everything will be alright. Make love to me. Pretend that it means something. Pretend that I mean something. Surrounded by friends who " love " me but " not " like that." Little consolation. None actually. Tell one, tell all. Tell no one. Who cares? No one it seems. How things seem are how things are. Prove me wrong. You won't, you can't. Is it worth it? It = life. Keep it. Take it. End it. It = love. Need it. Want it. Where is it? Don't have it. Love = life. Love life. It it. Don't have it. Don't you see? Care? You don't, you won't, you can't. Invisible, unknown, untouched. Mary Jane is gone. Love is gone. It was all a dream. I'm awake now. Put me back to sleep.

How do I meet You?. I know you are there.