ok wow is all i can say right now im stund at the fact that johnny has let me into his world enough to let me know about a few things that are going on with him and his thoughts. i thought it would be something easy for me to help him with but how can i help him when im hurting myself? its not easy and honestly im numb at this point i dont know what to tell him i mean in a way yes i think it would be nice for him to go back and be with his kids but what does that leave me? hurt selfish for not wanting him to go or does it mean that deep down he's thinking that if can give him up for something like this then maybe i never loved him as much as i say i do. well i do love him but i cant be selfish on this one i dont know what to do but i dont to be responsible for with holding him from his children. i know he says that i havnt done anything and i believe that but what am i supposed to do do i tell him to leave me to be happier than he is with me or do i tell him to stay with me and just be selfish and make him pay and be misserable to be here with me. i mean what do i do i need help here i mean i know we just moved in here in july but everything is in my name and well the only problem is im not working and i know i need to so that way if he decides that im not the one and that none of this is right for him then i wont have to move back to my dads or infact i wont have to leave and go to my moms, but i woould be on my own finally and i know i could probably move on with my life quick and act as if it dont hurt but what am i to do? im just not sure i need an opinion that is from the outside but i dont know what to do im numb and i hate this feeling i dont want things to be different between him and myself but i know that no matter what we'll remain friends but that alone will be hard enough for the fact of when he comes to see logan then he'll want to come see my girls too! but then im left with the delima myself of letting him go to be happy and i want him to be happy even if its not with me but im not sure what to do i know how to move on with my life ive done it several times before but theres the fact of my kids too. they call him daddy and they know that he's not really there daddy but what about them i know there all i need and well we're strong and we've gotten through alot together since i left there daddy but i just dont know anymore i dont want things to change between me and him but in a way they already have. please someone anyone help me i need to know what the right thing for me to do is.
