today was a very hard day for me. i went to my paw paw's house with my lil sister and her bf johnny. we all went over there to put up my paw's christmas tree. this is the home of my grandma who passed away earlier this year. it was a very emotional day. i was so glad that my son was there to help lighten the mood. i am not looking forward to christmas this year. it's gonna be so hard without my grandma and my ex. i have so many houghts going through my mind right now. i want to talk to someone about them..but i am just scared that i will only upset my family. i miss my grandma so much..she was my angel..my heart..and the one person that i knew i could never let down. she made me feel so special and she was always so proud of me. i cry all the time at the possibilty that i have let her down with some of the mistakes i've made. i want so bad to see her..hug her..and just ask her advice. i feel so alone right now. i just want a friend to talk to about things and hug me and make it all better. i am such a weak person...i just need someone to help me find my strength. as far as relationships go...i am terrified of all that. i don't want to jump into something again..i just want to be friends and learn to love and value myself. i don't want to mess it all up again. :(
