To the one who hurt me...
Forgive this outpouring... this time will be the last..
You said you loved me and that you always would.. that you felt we were meant to be together.. soulmates.. you couldn't imagine loving someone else.
Well.. that was years ago.. things have changed.. you came to me and said you didn't want to be married to me anymore.. and that the girl had nothing to do with it.. you lied.. she lied.. you were supposed to me my husband, soulmate.. she was supposed to be my friend.. under our roof you began a love affair with her.. you both lied to me.. you both hurt me.. betrayed me.. my trust and my love for you... whether it was consumated there has no real bearing.. even if you didn't you might just as well have... it amounts to the same.
Still I couldn't bring myself to hate you.. and still can't.. God knows why.. I sure don't.. you said you wanted to stay friends.. we had been friends from the start and you didn't want that to stop... neither did I.. I had always felt close to you.. a part of you.. so friends we remained.. for a long time I had hoped you might change your mind.. as pathetic as it is I would have taken you back.. like that song by Dierks Bentley I would have settled for a slow down.. because you never showed that you missed what we had.. then I realized why.. because I allowed you to still have it.. you didn't have to miss it.. but that is over now... I won't let you have it anymore.. you, as my friend, still come to me when you are in trouble.. when you need something.. money... an ear to listen.. someone to agree with you.. and I let you have it.. but when I turn to you.. you aren't there.. if I need something I get excuses as to why you can't give it to me... you're broke (and so am I in part because of you).. you're girlfriend wouldn't like it.. etc...
I'm over it now.. moving on.. I deserve better.. better than someone who always left me at home to do the fun things with your friends.. someone who (as harsh as this sounds) sponged off of me.. and still tries too.. better than someone who takes advantage of my giving and forgiving nature for his own means.. I deserve someone who wants to take me out.. wants to have fun with me as well as his friends... someone who can support himself... and someone who appreciates what I have to give... and not just assume these gifts are his for the taking..
In other words.. I'm finally over it.. completely.. you live your life however you do it.. I will live mine.. and hope to find someone who deserves what I have to give..
Peace out.. lol
