Simply Complicated's blog: "He Said He Loved Me"

Echos I hear the echo of the silent voice Mirrored by my own stress,anger and pain All these years locked up inside me Where I could feel no use to anyone All because of my abuse You give me a voice to speak upon the page All those years I've suffered in silence I never dared speak out I live in fear of being unbelieved Locked inside me is fear and hate I escape from my feelings By hearing you say those Five magic words "I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL" It has taken years to hear that voice Now I'm no longer alone The echos of the past have started to heal

He took away all that I was and all that I could be When I was with him I was a shell of who I really am Will I be forever damned? Damned in love no happiness? Will sadness forever grow? Your love washes over me like the waves of the ocean calming me Stabilty for which to stand and never lose my ground You are the sky that covers me the shelter from the pain You love me as damaged as I am Please be patient it is not you I cringe from It is not you that frightens me It is not you that takes me back to the place where all my nightmares came true I love you A new life..... Where I am safe loved happy appreciated cared for The feeling I get when I am in your arms feeling your breath in my hair and your heart beating A comfort I cannot describe A new life....

Your Soul Feeling trapped inside me Reliving the nightmares I thought were over Snap back to reality Where I am safe From danger In your arms Can you see past my pain? Will you help me? Walk down this road? Will you be there always? I am damaged.... Will you help me mend? The broken pieces? Your soul spoke to mine Reassured me I knew What was right? I felt you In every part of me Warming me Calming me Helping me find The strength To end the Switchblade symphony Of dissonant chords That bled my ears And ripped my heart Now it's your soul I hear Singing to mine Telling it to heal And speaking of love It's a sound I want to hear For Eternity.... Your love is beautiful Our love I wake each morning To your voice Whispering to me Everyday simple words With the melodic undertones Of love

My Knight in Shining Armor To My Rescue, you can not understand, But will you come? To Stand Strong in the face of Adversity To participate in this fight for love Just Fairy Tales they Say Mount your Steed and gallop into the horizon Forever looking for your damsel in distress And when you have her in your arms, you will caress Swiftly you ride, back to your castle you go Care for her you will, Shield her from her pain Cover her heart full of woes Mold her into the woman you want her to be But alas, just another prison you have put her For only in Fairy Tales can one be shielded from all the pain Her heart must be nurtured Like a flower needs room to bloom My Knight in Shining Armor How will you let her live? The magic of love is formed by reality Bring her back to the Castle you will. Let your shield of defenses down and so will she. Let the dance of love begin. Let her become the woman she needs to be. Do not shield but open fully and share the pain. Take time riding in the meadows side by side. Enjoy the beauty of a purple marmalade sky. Laugh, cuddle, listen, talk, and kiss, caress till the morning ends Give love time to grow, side by side

Guilt So much pain in my heart as our oppressors want us to keep quiet Aconspiricy of silence because if you tell the wrong people The price is to high Tormented made to feel dirty Guilty Years of torture as I believed that it was all my fault And why Can I not talk About what happened Without feeling ashamed of myself Not him

How can one be so mean and so cruel. How can one be so unfeeling. How can one be so deaf to a hurtful cry. How can one be so dreadfully sick with darkness. How could one be so blind. How can one just keep inflicting the pain and meanness over and over again without a second thought. Do they get pleasure in our pain and suffering. Do they get pleasure on wounding us so deeply and severely that the scars do not show. Why does one want to torment with a watchful eye. Why do they get to escape from the pain, suffering, hurtfulness that go in so deep it goes to the core of one Why do they get to just leave and walk away. Why. They need to pay they need to see what their actions have done. How can one be so extremely mean, cruel verbally abusive so very deeply hurting one in one instance and then hours later can be so nice like nothing had ever happened. How can they live with themselves. How can they not say they are sorry and actually care. How can they be so ignorant to the positives of the light to God. How do they live, eat and sleep at night. Why do they go and seek another when they have no victim. Do they see what their massive abuse has done how can one block that out how can one sweep it away in their mind how can one not see the inhumane acts they have done I do not understand I just do not. Maybe I was meant not to understand and just go on and attempting to heal my wounds of all abuse and attempt to be a whole person again. Yet something has changed. I will be so much stronger despite the abuse I will win again and again and again.

I got in the shower this morning, Tried to wash the pain away. But I'm still covered in it, I guess it's there to stay. Grabbed a pen and paper, Tried to scribble out the hurt. But there's no way to tell you, Not even words. Scrubbed my skin dry, Tried to rough away my stains. But there's no soap strong enough, To wash away this pain. Let my hair down, Brushed away the hurt I have. Closed my eyes tight, And let go of my past... ...Got in the shower this morning, The water poured down like rain. I opened my eyes and smiled, As my pain ran down the drain.

Pile of Sand You reached out your hand then recoiled in horror, for you felt that my skin was made of bricks and mortar. You expected the touch of soft, soft silk instead you felt the wall I had built. Strong and solid not to be knocked down, for it is surronded by a moat and I would drown. Try as you might you can't break this wall, I made sure it was strong and would never fall. There are no cracks so do not try to peep through, all that lies behind shall remain hidden to you. Do not try to chip away and force your way in, there is no way my wall is moving. Walk all the way round you'll see there is no gate, no chains and padlocks for you to break. You may try to climb and jump over my wall, but I built it slippery so you will fall. You will get hurt so please just walk away, and leave me behind my wall, alone to stay. There is no way in, that I have told you, so why do you continue to try to break through? Anyone else would have turned around and accepted the defeat on this battle ground. Not you, though you say there is no way you'll leave me here you say you love me, and will not disappear. You sit and watch you silently wait untill I tell you how this wall you can penetrate. You bear to me your opened heart, and watch my wall slowly fall apart. Through the rubble you grab my hand, together we stare at my broken wall now only a pile of sand. You did not give in or walk away, you set me free to live and I will be ever thankful for this day.

He said he loved me. He said he wished I were dead. He said I wasn't worth killing. He'd swear he was the only person in the world who truly loved me. He swore my parents never wanted me. That I shouldn't have been born. That I was just a mistake. I was a waste of space. I made him sick. I was disgusting. I should have been aborted. I should now, immediately forgive him because he didn't mean it. It was my fault for making him so angry. If he didn't love me so much, he wouldn't get so furious. I was to blame. Sales girls predictably fawned over him when he'd spend too much on pricey perfume. "He's so wonderful," they'd say. "I wish my man would buy this for me," they'd tell me. I was expected to fawn over him, too. But later he'd say that all the fragrance in the world would never cover the stench that came from my rotten soul. I was, after all, born rotten. Why did you marry me? I'd ask. "Because I knew no one else would," he'd say, adding that at the time, he felt sorry for me. He'd call me pretty and beautiful. He'd say that all the cosmetics in the world would never hide my ugliness. Ugliness that caused my entire family to despise me. I was, in his mind, nothing but a liar and a cheat. The lack of proof on both charges only fueled his fervor. Not only was I lying and cheating, I was also a masterly deceitful. But he swore he'd catch me. He swore that one day I'd wake up and find him gone. Yes, one day, he used to promise, he'd disappear and I'd never be able to find him again. And wouldn't I be sorry? He said he bought me everything money could buy. All the best name brands. He left me bankrupt, homeless and shattered. He probably told you that I used him, I kicked him out and kept "everything." But he never leaves. Not really. Years have passed since I've seen him, but he's always there. Coming up with new internet aliases to show me how clever he is. He's using his real name now. And his real photo. Collecting a group of you women, making friends with those who have been wounded by either life or love. Gathering your sympathy, endearing himself to you. I am, after all, the wicked, crazy one.