To maintain a healthy and positive sexual attitude and appetite, we have to shrug off a lot of excess and unnecessary psychological baggage. All through our lives, we're exposed to conflicting influences about sex and desire. Some people tell us one thing; others tell us the exact or a similar opposite. To those who become confused, it's easy to see that their desire discrepancy factor is going to become crucial and destructive. The simplistic way of looking at this is as if we have a committee in conflict inside our minds, each member wanting to rule what our body does at a given moment. The psychological part of our mind that governs our sexual feelings is called the libido. Now a lot of outside influences affect our libido which, most psychologists seem to agree, is pure desire. Say that with me: "pure desire." Let it linger in your mind awhile. When was the last time you experienced pure desire? When was the last time you reveled in the sheer non-other-influenced desire for sex?
Too often we let intruders in to our libido, perhaps barely aware of their invidious and insinuating influences.
Now let me tell you a curious secret which shouldn't be one: you are the shaper of your libido. You're the one who feeds your libido the fuel for desire. You -- and you alone -- are the one who can empower your libido, make it wax or wane like the moon. If you feed your libido nothing but images of perfect specimens you deem worthy of your desire, you might as well be starving it, because the opportunity of perfect specimens is going to be so rare as to be virtually non-existent. If you feed your libido a steady diet of negative sexual ideas, fears, guilts, and assorted "bad" influences, you cannot expect it to thrive. And you can safely bet, if that is the case for you, that desire discrepancy is going to rule your sex life.
People, as I said before, carry around remarkable psychological baggage that affects their libido. There are men who say, "Well, a blonde screwed me over badly once, so I can't fuck any blondes anymore." There are women who believe because they had one or two or seven bad relationships that they don't deserve a good one and will infest their libidos with such twisting guilt and self-fulfilling negativity that "desire discrepancy" may be a lifelong companion.
If it were not for these negative influences on our libido, we would retain "pure desire." That doesn't mean we'd all be sluts falling into and out of bed every few moments, but it does mean that we'd be freed of dishonesty about our sexual urges. We'd have shucked off the preventable "excuses" that widen the discrepancy between desire among partners and return, perhaps, to a more positive attitude about one of life's most pleasurable activities.
Whatever the psychological trauma, emotional upheaval, guilt-trip, or repressive element, you must weigh it against the pleasurable feelings of good, satisfying, pleasurable sex and desire and find that negative influence paltry and insignificant in comparison. Wax your libido and watch that sex discrepancy shrink to nothing.
