Hates a Brewin…
Here I sit listening to the rain outside my window, night has fallen all around me and I wonder where you are. Where is the hapiness I once knew in my soul? I am tormented. I am alone.
I ponder the strength of our relationship and I wonder how long I can go on being your whore - your disgrace - your dissapointment. Oh I am aware how disappointing I am to you. I see it in your eyes, I feel it in your embrace. I’ve exposed my soul to you and all you’ve done is cover it in disgusting filth. Stained to the very core of my being. Will you ever see these rantings that are cast into cyberspace? Will you ever know the depth of my pain for you? I stumble through the long days wondering where all the meaning is - how far must I fall before I can stand before you the woman I wish to be. Will you accept her? She’s strong and unafraid to tell you no. Perhaps she will never stand before you - for the moment you glimpse her within my eyes you will run. You need me to be weak before you - you need my submissiveness, otherwise our relationship would fail. Hello! It’s failing now! Everytime you push your dirty fantasy upon me I hate you a little more. You are just to blind, egotistical and horney to see.
I shall never worry about you finding these senceless rambelings because you do not care enough to explore into my activities. Do you know how often I write about the pain you’ve caused? Do you care? You’ve lied to me. Do not try to deny it. I am not enough for you. I’ve given you my soul, my morals, my hope and life, yet it is not enough.
I’ve called you many times tonight, but you’ve turned off your cell - I wonder if you’re with her - the one in the pictures. Was she good? Did she do all the nasty disgusting things you like? Was she your whore? Did you spread your seed all over her slutty face? You disgust me. Sex is wonderful, but it is not everything. Go on and keep you faith in your dick, God knows you don’t turn to him.
Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I have forsaken the light for the dark, I have wallowed amongst the ashes of dispare - and although I wish to be free, I know I shall never be. Pain and shame has wound itself to tightly around my heart. I have confessed my darkest secret to the man I thought loved me, and he does not even remember the pain in my voice as I told him, for he has taken that secret and used it against me. Perhaps he is unaware - or perhaps he chooses not to remember something so tragic in my soul - perhaps, even, he does know and just enjoys throwing it into my face with his sick fantasies.
Please know if you shall ever see this that my heart hurts. you hurt me almost every day. You have stolen my esteem, my pride and my honor. Is there anything else you’d like?
(its just a poem i found interesting)
