One of the things I've always struggled with is hate. It's a very strong and potent emotion. Entire nations have built armies on hatred alone. The only problem with hate as a motivator for life's actions is that it's self consuming.
It works great! It's like putting a cruise missile on your car and driving down the highway, you go very, very, fast but in the end you crash and burn.
When most people think about hate they usually imagine that someone decides to do ill will toward another. For example, if you discover your spouse is cheating you'll very likely hate the person that is sleeping with your spouse and probably your spouse too. That's hate in its most basic form, but hate is like Sherwin Williams and comes in many colors. We all have our favorites.
For me, hate was a great way to achieve goals.
I would consider all of those who had done me wrong and paint their face across my psyche as I attempted to succeed in my ventures.* school, family, work* I would imagine how they would feel knowing that they didn't stop me, but only made me stronger. I wanted them to feel envy and disappointment, that the one person they attempted to stop, could not be stopped by their actions.
Hate was like a energy drink for my soul.
The down side was that once my mind started thinking about them in this way it was very difficult to turn it off. I'd start seeing their faces when I didn't want to think about them. And I began thinking about things that went beyond making them feel envy and disappointment.
Sometimes these people would end up in my dreams, as the emotion of hate slowly seeped into other areas of my life.
And that's when I realized why loving my enemies makes perfect sense. When I remove hate as a principal motivator, I'm left only with the goal. And then I can clearly see if it's worth pursuing in the first place. Because if the only reason I'm doing something is to teach someone else a lesson then I'm the person who will eventually be taught a lesson...which is the foolishness of chasing goals fueled by hate.
If I had not hated people, I would have seen many of the dark paths I'd chosen years ago. Sadly, many of the worthwhile adventures were tarnished by the paintbrush of hate. I'd look back and only see the pain in myself as I went from goal to goal. It's like putting just a little bit of red paint in with the wash – pretty soon everything is pink.
I'd confused hate with justice. Those who break laws and do us wrong deserve justice. And I believe everyone will face it. But the world doesn't need hate or vengeance for justice to prevail. In fact, often hate and prejudice prevent justice from happening here on Earth.
History is strewn with the corpses of those who lived a life built on hate.
Hitler hated a lot of people. And in the years leading up to WW II most of Europe hated each other. The result was millions upon millions slaughtered on the battlefield of hate. And millions more were sent off to concentration camps to die.
That's what hate gets you.
Today I pray for my enemies. I pray that hate won't consume them. And that justice and mercy will be the final measure of our lives. And I ask for forgiveness for all those years I wasted hating them.
"We ought always to deal justly, not only with those who are just to us, but likewise to those who endeavor to injure us; and this, for fear lest by rendering them evil for evil, we should fall into the same vice." – Hierocles.
