HarleyChick FM2 RLBFJAMES's blog: " LOVE TO WRITE ..MAKES THE MIND RELAX"

Wrote this last night ....Well it has been awhile since I have went on a  Harleychick's ramble and gave some insight into how my mind thinks, so I have decided I will do that tonight. Be prepared because we all know when I get started typing I can go on and on. ~Laughs~

I view many of your pages here on a daily basis. I read all about others pain, their happiness, their struggles, their trials, their support for each other, well, I pretty much see and read it all. I have to say that most of the time it is pain and heartache that I see from others. It is pain and heartache I can feel in others words. It is pretty sad to see and know that others have felt and feel the hurts and pains I have in my life. When I see that I can't help but hurt for you, wish I could hug you and tell you everything will be alright, offer you the right words you need to hear, give you a smile or a laugh, and extend my heart. I know that no matter how much you wish you could take away someone elses pain, you can't. You can only let them know you are there for them anyway that you can be. I do my best to show you all that I am there for you anyway I can be.

It is not too easy for me to open up and share with people. I can and do, with people I have known for awhile or people who I get to know better. I do not like to share my struggles, disappointments, heartaches, hurts, or my trials I face in life. Not many of you have the misfortune to know me on a private level. In a way I can say that saddens me but at the same time I still know I am your friend. I am just not too good on coming out from behind my wall to let people see what makes me weak, what makes me cry, what makes me angry, what makes me happy, what makes me smile, what makes me laugh. When I do feel or develope a level of comfort with someone and I begin to open up and share with them, I can still shut down at the slightest feeling of emotion. I try not to do that but it still happens. I have not always been that way though. I used to be able to share any and everything, I wore my heart on my sleeve, and my emotions were easily seen. When I was like that I also encountered alot of hurt and heartache. It took alot of hurt, pain and tears for me to become what I am today. I am sure it has been the same way for most of you. The thing is I feel like if I, myself, can not smile and say I am wonderful even when I am not, then there is no one else in this world who can do it for me. If I can not be my strength and create my happiness, no one else will be able to offer that to me either. I used to look for my strength and happiness in other people, I used to feel like I had to be loved or with someone to be happy, I used to allow my emotions to control me. Now I believe I control my emotions. I am in control of how I feel and how happy I am. I am in control of how strong I will be. Well, this is the case most days, but I assure you even the strongest of us all can feel weak and be weak. Sometimes my emotions can still get the best of me even when I do my best to keep from feeling. I can lose that control on my emotions but I always do my best to get it back.

When you speak to me here and you ask me how I am doing, I will always reply to you with, "I am wonderful." Because in all honesty, I am, to a point. I don't get into much detail here or share that much here. It is just the way I am. I would just like to say that if you would like to get to know me on a more private/personal level then just tell me you would like to. As a friend I should be able to at least do my best to offer you that. That does not mean I am seeking relationships from all the men folks here either. *LOL*...Let me make that clear right up front. I am talking about getting to know each other more as a friend. You will have to realize it is not always too easy for me to just jump right in head first and be open, forward, and tell all, so to speak. At the same time, if you want to get to know me on a private level and you tell me that you do not want me to hide my feelings, my emotions, my thoughts, you always want me to be forward, blunt, honest and tell you what I think and feel, well you should and have to offer the same thing to me in return. If I am going to trust you enough to be able to open up to you and share what makes me what I am, then you have to do the same. If I am going to share my emotions and feelings, you have to share with me as well. You should not ask me to trust in you, feel comfort with you, tell you what I am feeling and so on, if you, yourself can not always offer me the same thing. Things on this level are real for me, they are not something to be played with, something to be laughed at, and neither of us should ever feel like we should kick ourselves for something we said in honesty. If you do not want me to close up and just be what you see on this page, then you can not do that to me either. I can't and don't promise anything but I can say I will do my best to let you in.

I have heard many people say, I want you to be honest, I want you to be truthful. What many do not realize is we may ask for the truth, we may ask for honesty but sometimes it is going to piss you off or it can hurt your feelings. This is true. But I far rather you hurt my feelings and piss me off than for you to just tell me something you think I want or need to hear. I rather you tell me like it is and how you see it, straight up, to the point and no sugar coating, than to realize later that you really didn't mean it. It took someone else always being straight up and to the point with me for me to realize that I much rather prefer it that way. Granted it has hurt my feelings, it has pissed me off, it has angered me to the point I would not talk to him or I would show him I was angry, however, I still know to this day I can get it straight and to the point from him whenever I need it. Well, I might say something that hurts your feelings or pisses you off but I am going to be to the point and honest. It also took me a long time to realize that honesty and the truth will always out shine anything.

I haven't written a poem in awhile so I just decided to share some insight and words of honesty with you all. Thanks for taking the time to read into Harleychick's mind and my world. Like I said, if you want to know me more on a private, personal level, I would love to know you on this level as well. Just remember it is real for me, it is not a game, and I always expect the same in return as I offer to you. Good night! You all have a beautiful evening. ~Hugs & Kisses~

One more thing before I go...People, stop letting folks judge you. Stop letting them make an impact on what you feel, think, or how you see others. We are not in highschool anymore. Who gives a crap if someone does not like something or if they do not like you. This is  "Fubar", for the love of corn, people. For every one person who does not like you, there are two people who never want to live without you. Let them dislike you, let them act like an idiot and show their inmaturity. It is only showing what kind of person they are and how inmature they are. It is not going to kill you that someone does not like you. Life still goes on and other people want you in their life. Let them go about their business and do what they want. Sorry but I just see and read and hear so many inmature, highschoolish stuff on here. Ok, I am ending this for real this time. You all have a great week. Know you are all special to me even if I do not get a chance to make it by your page everyday. ~Night~..RIDE SAFE....HARLEY