In the morning we wake. We drink coffee and check our emails. Hold grudges and let grudges be held against us.
We drive to work, people on our minds. We go through life afraid to say things that need to be said.
We sigh and groan over our frusterations. Bills that cannot be payed on time. Traffic that made us late to work that day.
Exhusbands. Lovers. Both old and new.
In an instant most things seem trival and silly. In an instant you realise what is important in life...and what is not.
Everytime I woke this morning I couldnt keep my eyes open. So sleepy was I. I would sit up and groan and lay back down to sleep some more...snuggling into my pillows.
My eyes would close and an hour later I would wake again..to repeat.
I could hear the girls away down the hall. I could hear my son playing his Wii. I smiled and slept and drempt of locked safes and teasing men.
At ten my phone rang, and I was sure it was Dawn. My daughters friend brought the phone to me. It was my cousin.
My forehead worried as i frowned at the number. Lighting up.
My phone vibrated in my palm as I stared.
My cousin. Raised as close as a sister.
I stared at the phone until It stopped moving in my hand...and still...i stared.
After my divorce my family has takin a turn for the Ex, it seems. And has odd believings of me.
My cousin hurt the most.
I still stare at the phone. Holding it in my palm and far away from my body.
It starts again...and my phone sings. "I just want to caaaaaaaaaaaaal...you my bitch." techno music beats in the background.
I answer it and hold it to my ear.
"Hello." I croak
I have laryngitis.
Tears and words and sniffles and grief.
Family.
My cousin stephanie has died. Hit by a drunk driver early this morning.
Words like those make all of the insignificant things wash away. As if a storm had hit and all that is left is real and truth.
Hard and real.
I wanted to hug my kids. And tell them I love them.
I wanted to turn and find solice with one man.
I wanted to call Dawn and tell her I love her. I want to hold her children and kiss their necks and tell them as well.
And so I shall.
