For this supposedly being such a happy time in my life it has been nothing but miserable. Babies are suppose to bring people together, but instead it is endless fighting (not because of the baby). I'm sick of it all, I tell him to leave, even though I really don't want him to, but either way right now I am miserable. I can be in a fine mood, but he drags me down into his "I hate my life" mood.
He got pissed because I said he was going to be just like his father, who is close to 50 and still wanting to party like he's 20 and with 20 year olds, and the he is going to abandon his kids - that may have been harsh, but at the moment it felt true. He wants to have the life he wants *with out me* therefore without his child, if it weren't mostly for me pushing and supporting him and giving him the means to, he would not be seeing his daughter now. So what the hell does that say? He may not move across the country like his father did, but none the less.
The thing is when we fight like this, a while later he says he is sorry and didn't mean any of this, I know this time is different, and part of me doesn't want him to apologize and have every thing be peachy keen, because it always gets right back to the spot we're at now, and have been a hundred times.
We were fighting a lot before I found out I was pregnant, and for a while things were fine. I never pictured myself in this scenario, being pregnant and the father wanting to leave. But, when your young you never picture the worse.
Its 5:30 am and he just left saying he will be back at some point. Whether that means later today, this week or what, I don't know. I want to go to sleep, but know I won't be able to with all this weighing on my mind.
I guess thats about all my drama.
