What do "Happy Birthday", "Cherry Nyquil" and "a Case of the Jitters" have in common? Me.
Happy Birthday: My birthday is June 13th. My father passed away June 14th, 2003. I never figured to have another Happy Birthday again, but this year may be different. They say time heals all, but what they don't tell you is, love does too...
The cause of death on his certificate was "End stage of C.O.P.D.," but I believe the real cause was a broken heart. Ya see, we'd lost Ma just 4 months earlier, to a quick and unknown killer called "Pulmonary Fibrosis." They were married for 40 years. Now, if you aren't familiar with either of those diseases and you smoke, I highly recommend using Google. I'll give them to ya in a nutshell, to the best of my understanding though...
"Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) is a term referring to two lung diseases, chronic bronchitis and emphysema, that are characterized by obstruction to airflow that interferes with normal breathing. Both of these conditions frequently co-exist, hence physicians prefer the term COPD. It does not include other obstructive diseases such as asthma." He also had asthma. It took him 30 years to die from this, 17 of which he was on oxygen and lots of medications.
"Pulmonary fibrosis harms the tissues deep in your lungs. The air sacs in your lungs and their supporting structures become inflamed and scarred. If scarring progresses, it makes your lungs thick and stiff. That makes it hard for you to catch your breath, and your blood may not get enough oxygen. Pulmonary fibrosis is also associated with some connective tissue diseases. It can be a side effect of a medicine. Sometimes no one knows the cause of the disease. Smoking can boost your risk or make your illness worse." She hadn't smoked for 5 years prior to the diagnosis, and had a genetic defect contributing to it. She also had emphysema, and 3 months after diagnosis, she died, on oxygen and full of a steroid called prednisone.
I'll spare the details, but let's just say that year was one of the worst ever. With no siblings, and some bad blood with remaining family members, I was alone for the first time in my life.
I drank, alot...for about 6 months. A friend of mine suggested I find a hobby, and recommended a PC game. I bought it, and started playing that December. I made some "online friends," and met a very special man. I didn't know it at the time, but I'd end up falling in love with this man over the next 4 years. He's coming here this weekend, to spend the next week with me.
"Cherry Nyquil": I get sick fairly easily. I have the family lungs. I have asthma, and I still smoke. (Yeah, I know. I'm a dumb ass.) Two weeks ago, I catch a nasty head and chest cold from a guy at work. He's over it in 4 days, I'm still coughing up a lung. Last week, I head to the ER, for a breathing treatment and a week's worth of antibiotics. I'm still coughing, so I buy Cherry Nyquil, grasping at straws, hoping to not still be a snot factory when he gets here. I throw away the measuring cap, and drink it straight from the bottle. I finish it off in 3 days. I'm starting on bottle #2. lol. He calls me a couple of nights ago, and tells me he's caught a cold from his mother. He tells me to save him some Nyquil. Looks like we'll be sick together...I contemplate making chicken noodle soup.
"A Case of the Jitters": I'm a worrier. I worry about everything. I've been single and alone for 4 years. I've almost forgotten how to flirt, though I give it a good try where he's concerned. :)I've cleaned my efficiency apartment to almost sanitary standards, because I'm nervous and I'm trying to keep busy. I got a new bed and bedding. I bought a couple of new outfits, and got a fresh haircut. I went grocery shopping for the main stuff, though he and I are planning to go shopping together for the rest. Everything is as good as it's going to get. He's leaving tomorrow to come here, with about a 13 hour drive ahead of him. We are both nervous about that, and he promises to stay on the phone with me as much as possible while he's driving (headset). I tell him I'm worried, that he'll get here and think I'm a sea donkey, that he won't feel the same as before. He laughs, and tells me, "Even if you are a sea donkey, you're my sea donkey and I love you." (He's one in a million.:)) I tell him to shush, he's not helping (but really, he is).
Today, I'm deep in thought, wondering what it'll be like playing house with him for a week...both of us sick, and in love. Will we "gel" together, or will we be all funky and nervous? What about chemistry? It's great online and on the phone, but we all know sometimes face-to-face is different...What will the first kiss be like? Or worse, what if there is no first kiss? Or what if he gets here, hates it, and can't wait to leave? Or an even scarier thought...what if he loves it here, and me, and doesn't want to leave? We'd be even more lonely afterwards if that's the case...
Ah well. (takes another pull of Nyquil) I'm sure things will be fine. It's just the jitters. :)
