midnitevampyre's blog: "happiness"

That Quiet Girl There always was that quiet girl- She never spoke a word. Never once did her emotions show; Not ever was she heard. I didn’t know her very well And I called her my best friend. We were both happy enough, Playing our game of pretend. She used to talk, and quite a lot But then she met a shining blade. I didn’t know and nor did she Truly how much her pain weighed. “I’m okay, nothing is wrong” Became her mantra soon enough Her smile was a fake one and It always felt like a slight rebuff. She wrote in journals by the dozens Telling herself all her thoughts and lies Everything is wonderful, she said But I knew about her silent cries Band-Aids always on her arms Hiding her crimson shames. People giving her sad looks, She was going insane. One day she snapped, When told to “just die” The person didn’t know the effect How much she would cry. “I heard she died” Gossip the next day said “I hear she killed herself” She cut herself and bled And that’s all. She had fled. There wasn’t any more. She was dead. Too much stress, Too much strife, Tangles up the heart She turned to her knife.

I can still feel the crumpled paper thrown at me, Past my dark clothes, you couldn't see I'm not so different, though not the same But still, as always, I get the blame I don't hate you. It's not something I'd do. Indifference, in my opinion, is much worse You don't matter enough to earn my curse I really, truly, don't care. Except, our lifetime is shared That's what makes me cry. You can hurt me, but I won't even try.

REINCARNATION ! In the deep dark tunnel, I look for light – Knowing there’ll be, another day so bright – But knowing also forgetfulness will come – Conquering my spirit in a drowning hum – Entering this world in tears of life – Having no thoughts of pain and strife – Still as a child, I learn to be – Wiser each day, as I look and see – Becoming adult, I learn some more – Not knowing why, or what it’s for – My Karma speaks, but I don’t hear – For still too young to live in fear – As I move on, I do grow wise – Aware the Sun will once more rise – As fall approaches, I now see clear – What Karma told for many a year – Entering once more, the tunnel dark – Swearing this time, I won’t be a lark – When I come out, won’t get wrong – I know I’ll sing a different song – But once again, or so it seems – My life renewed and in my teens – The same mistakes, themselves repeat – And yet once more I miss the beat – When will I know, my path must change – To move on by and hit the range – The road ahead is one more station – But that’s the story of reincarnation !

MY GOTHIC SOUL Black is the colour of the Raven’s wing – Describing the sound of a Banshee shriek – It defines my thoughts, as they start to sing – Her body appeals to what my soul doeth seek – The poet has written the book in blood – The race is on, but no one can win – For sex and lust lies deep in the mud – The elders claim it to be a sin – They see not beauty in sensual emotion – Though Darkness reins, its brightness glows – Her black nails shine, as my pupils widen – On graveyard canvas, the wet paint flows – Sat on a tombstone, her black skirt shortens – White legs spread out, show appealing thighs – Her smooth bald crotch makes my paintbrush harden – Throws back her hair with a long deep sigh – I’m ready to portray her Gothic features – The signs of lust open wide the doors – My mind is full of creative matter – I perceive her treasures through all her pores – Goth culture’s pure, although complex and deep - I can sense her thoughts, as they fill with sunshine – Though through all the layers her Darkness still seeps - She smiles as she raises her glass of wine – I’ve finally discovered these great many riches – Her mysterious mind let’s me access like a mole - I am now member of the circle of witches – They recognize the resonance of my Gothic Soul –

As my head spins I think about the reason. I dont know what to feel. My heart feels love but my mind questions it. I am so confused. The move I push for the truth the more I get lied to. My life has been based on nothing but lies. I dont understand why this happens to me. I let my guard down thinking it's safe and I get hurt by those I love. The pain seems to never end anymore. Nothing helps to ease the pain now. Maybe my life was ment to be filled with pain for some reason or another. I just dont understand what i'm destind to do that demands me to know such pain. I have no tears left to cry. Pain and sadness have become the norm. Will nothing take away this pain I feel Inside?

A pain with no gain where only sorrow will remain that's tried to be corrected but failed in vain. It'll leave me confused and possibly insane and mentally scarred because of all of the pain. The only hope given is that I will be forgiven, for the life I live in and the attempts I've tried. What must I do to show I'm still true to you. What is it that you would like me to be? the perfect vision of a friend for all to see or am I that bad that I can never be me. Shall I be enslaved to your idea that my true self can never be free? Shall I hide my true self away and lock it away with your emotional key? Or can I be myself for the world to see.

Passion Without Flesh All day I picture curves arching under me Dripping the sweat of passion, the heat Jeering at the bodies we use to strain for pleasure Equaled by no other. We quest together for the Coolness and calmness that follows it. Tonight I must make this image into reality. I cannot live on images. Sustenance craves Veritability of pleasure, not phantoms of fever. Each moment stretches into eternity; I Long to run my hand down the spine, cup Each buttock in turn, lick a line of Shivers along the spine hiding behind you. Soon I will make love to you.

HE MADE A SACRIFICE He made a sacrafice On the cross where He laid. The work of His beauty Stunned in dismay. He looked down apon us, His soul very tired, A gentle smile Was all that was required To mend the bleeding, Hurt, Needing. He looked down apon us With love and care. For his children He will always be there. He floated softly In vast skies of gray Because He made a sacrafice On the cross where He laid

DADDY, PLEASE... Safire tears Roll down my cheeks. I'm falling apart... Please wake me up from this dream. I need you right now. I'm falling apart... I'll find you somehow. Just tell me where you are. I'm calling out to you. Wwhat's wrong? Can't you hear me? I'm screaming your name. Daddy, please just come with me. I'll never let go, Just grab my hand tight. Please just listen... Everything will be alright. Daddy, what are you doing? Don't walk away. Please come back. I need you to stay. You don't need that floating halo anymore, Return it back to God. Just put that blue had Back on that you wore. Now, just walk down these stairs with me, The one's with gold rails. They'll lead us home, Where you can stay with me. Safire tears Still rolling down my cheeks. None of this seems real. Please wake me up from this dream. Daddy, I need you. I'm falling apart. Just stay with me. No, Daddy...no...

Fallen Angel His invisible wings Carry him though the crowd. In search for the love he left He came down from the clouds. He hopes with every step That the next eyes He deeply looks into Are the ones in which he said goodbye. Those eyes he remembers, So blue, so true Appear on the face Of a young girl, only two. She's holding a teddy bear And the hand of her mother. He can't close his mouth As he see's her standing there Right outside his old house With he daughter of his, As she smiles and waves at the man she barely knew. He can hardly believe this Back flash causing view. This fallen angel Walks up to his wife And gives her a kiss Then picks up his daughter And carries her into the house. The memories come flooding back Into his head Of days when he could read her a story And tuck her into bed. But his daughter continues playing with her teddy bear While his love carries in the groceries, He bows his head and gets down on his knees And prays for one last chance To be with his fami