Hallow & Unholy, unclean & condemned
Upon the cold earth I’ve poured my soul. Into the darkness I’ve voyaged. How is it you can love something that causes so much pain? How can I continue in my exsistance with your unforgiving stares and corrupted beliefs? Have I drowned the essence of my being in your self rightous fantasies? Is there hope?
How can I gain back the dignity you’ve stolen from me? Turmoil thrust it’s heavy blade into my heart, slicing away at the esteem I once posessed. I am but a shell, empty and forgotten. Hallow and unholy, unclean and condemened. Is this how you enjoy me? Robotic affection, monotone I love you’s - Color’s drained out of a once brilliant and shining world. Dare I dream that ours is a future of happiness? That the love I once felt would resurface in the face of your egotistical and selfish demands?
How dare I hold to the dreams of a future, bright and happy; when all around me darkness suffocates the strength, represses ambition, and destroy’s hope? Am I not the whore you wish me to be? Is my mirror image not full enough of bitterness and self loathing to satisfy you? Do my eyes not show the storm that swirls inside, the violent ocean that rages and rapes? Yes, Rape. I have been raped of my pride … my hands are tied and I am forced to endure the essence of your being - overtaking my own - and I have succumb - I have bowed down. You have won.
I shall retreat - I shall be submissive in your wake, worshiping the ground you walk upon only to be walked upon myself. In this, I hope you find the love you seek - for I have found the love none can withstand. I give you myself, all of me - Do as you wish for as I’ve said - Hallow and unholy - unclean and condemned.
“Romantic love, in pornography as in life, is the mythic celebration of female negation. For a woman, love is defined as her willingness to submit to her own annihilation. The proof of love is that she is willing to be destroyed by the one whom she loves, for his sake. For the woman, love is always self-sacrifice, the sacrifice of identity, will, and bodily integrity, in order to fulfill and redeem the masculinity of her lover.”
–Andrea Dworkin
