>
> ONLY A MAN
> WOULD ATTEMPT THIS
>
>
>
> Just
> try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!
>
> Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A
> guy who purchased his
> lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary
> submitted this:
>
> Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol &
> Pawn Shop that sparked my
> interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was
> looking for a little
> something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
> 100,000-volt,
> pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the
> tazer were supposed to be
> short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
> assailant, allowing her
> adequate time to retreat to safety....
>
> WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and
> brought it home. I
> loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the
> button. Nothing! I
> was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the
> button and pressed
> it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get
> the blue arc of electricity
> darting back and forth between the prongs.
>
> AWESOME!!!
>
> Unfortunately,
> I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on
> the face of her
> microwave.
>
> Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to
> myself that it
> couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A
> batteries, right? There I sat
> in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
> little soul) while
> I was reading the directions and thinking that I really
> needed to try this
> thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must
> admit I thought about
> zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought
> better of it. She is
> such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to
> my wife to protect
> herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it
> would work as advertised..
> Am I wrong?
>
> So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my
> reading glasses
> perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in
> one hand, and
> tazer in another. The directions said that a
> one-second burst would shock
> and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
> supposed to cause
> muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
> three-second burst would
> purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a
> fish out of water.
> Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the
> batteries.
>
> All the while I'm looking at this little device
> measuring about 5" long,
> less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and
> (loaded with two
> itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself,
> 'no possible way!'
> What happened next is almost beyond description, but
> I'll do my best..
>
> I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her
> head cocked to one side as
> to say, 'don't do it dip-shit,' reasoning that
> a one second burst from such a
> tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.
> I decided to give myself
> a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the
> prongs to my naked thigh,
> pushed the button, and . .
>
> HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . .
> WHAT THE HELL!!!
>
> I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side
> door, picked me up in
> the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over
> and over and over
> again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
> position, with tears
> in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,
> testicles nowhere to be
> found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
> position, and
> tingling in my legs. The cat was making meowing sounds
> I had never heard
> before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the
> fireplace, obviously in an
> attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all
> over the living room..
>
>
> Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself
> with a tazer, one note of
> caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when
> you zap yourself!
> You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
> from your hand by a
> violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst
> would be considered
> conservative!
>
> IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
>
> A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a
> relative thing at that
> point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat
> up and surveyed the
> landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of
> the fireplace. The
> recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from
> where it originally
> was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were
> still twitching. My
> face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
> bottom lip weighed 88
> lbs.. I had no control over the drooling.
>
> Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to
> know for sure and my
> sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my
> head which I
> believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my
> nuts and I'm offering a
> significant reward for their safe return!
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> P.s... My
> wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved
> the gift, and now
> regularly threatens me with it!
>