When life seems really tough,
consider the possibility that you're just a big wuss.
My brain's not on vacation anymore...
but it does seem to be considering an early retirement.
I have an 8 to 5 job.
Unfortunately, it comes with a 10 to 2 paycheck.
I applied for a loan,
but the bank had zero percent interest.
In life, there's no free lunch.
Unless you crash an outdoor wedding reception-
then there's free cake and booze, too.
Reach for the stars! It keeps
your chest from sagging.
Snowmen and real men have a lot in common. For one thing,
it would take some kind of magic hat to get either of them off their asses.
If men are from Mars,
we need to find the
bozo who supplied them
with spaceships.
Looking for a hot date?
Pick any date in August.
They don't get much
hotter than that.
I'm what they call a "natural
woman, " which just means
"not rich enough to get
implants."
Men are only good for one
thing, but then you have to
feed them between car repairs.
When people ask me
what I do, I say I'm
in manufacturing. If
they ask me what kind,
I tell them I make trouble
for people who ask too many
questions.
You can tell Hollywood's
full of environmentalist-
they keep recycling the
same plots.
I'm not sure that good
things come to those
who wait. But I've
noticed that bad things
happen to people who
cut in front of me in
the express lane.
The only thing worse than
seein' a baseball player
scratch himself on TV is
knowing he probably
earned a couple grand
while doing it.
The early bird may
get the worm, but
the night owl gets
the tequila!!!
By
MAXINE
on Life,
Love and
Losers
