gypsyredneck's blog: "gypsyredneck"

In five months of living with men here is what I have learned, as explained to me tonight by the brilliant and ever wise DDM:

Men do not hear negatives. We (women) bitch at them so frequently that they are psychologically and possibly even biologically conditioned to tune out the negative. So if we were to say, for instance, "Thomas, I do not like roses. I want daisies," he would hear "blah blah roses blah blah want blah," therefore leading to the trauma of earlier this Autumn. Indeed, I have been under the mistaken impression that my communication style was clear and easily understood when in fact it is not. And it has been further explained to me that in communicating with the male of the species Pauses are an important tool. DDM explains further that if communication could be a combination of James Kirk's ... .. paused... .. speech could be combined with... .. terseness, short... .. words that... .. are spaced... .. so... .. that there were... .. enough... .. pauses for the men to... .. keep up, I would be a more effective communicator with them, the men. Terseness is important, just the essential facts, for example: "Thomas. Buy a plane ticket. Come to see me. Do it now. Fucktard." Much like the telegrams of old, get to the point, use effective punctuation in the form of stop, where fucktard serves as stop. When I asked, "is not Fucktard a negative?" I was told no, in fact it is not. It is Punctuation. Punctuation is important, it lets the man know that I have ended my communication. Others may find that different Punctuation works best for them, some examples given were "Ass Pirate" and "Buttmunch", this last used extensively in the cartoon Beevis and Butthead, and effective among their own apparently.

My own theory is that as women do not come with instructions to ignore, men are confused by us and at a loss with how to cope and deal.

You may have noticed, if you have ever had day to day dealings with a man, that men ignore the manual when putting together something from a kit or installing a new game on the PC. You may notice, just as an example, that they install the game and still not knowing what buttons do what thing, they leap right in to play and get their ass handed to them by the bad guys. Only when they fail to knife the guy sitting on the john in their new war game do they consult the manual to see how it should be done. And then resume play, instruction booklet thrown aside and neglected. (and have you ever noticed that word? manual. Yes, it is just for them that it is named.)

So here is my idea... We print up an instruction booklet, a womanual, a set of instructions for men to ignore so that they will feel less intimidated and confused by us of the superior gender (who know how to read the instructions). Then, when worse comes to worst, they will have a useless set of instructions from which to base their confusion and dismay.

As we are all individual and very different women, and as such require our own unique set of instructions, the womanual will be like the old madlib books that were so popular when we were in highschool. It will have a fill-in-the-blanks format so that every woman may custom fit her instructions for her man. I think women will be happier, having given essential information to their man, such as Why it is your job to empty the trash and The actual location of my g-spot and/or clit, get it right, Fucktard.

Never again the confusion, as there are Instructions to Ignore, and therefore, the man will get the job done, perhaps with a few widgets and whatsits left over, but spare bits are always handy later. That is what a junk drawer is for, left over bits from the finished project and unread instruction manuals.

copyright me Oct/2K5