1. Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.
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2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
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3. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.
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4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
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5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
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6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.
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7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
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8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
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9. Thank You For Pot Smoking.
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10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
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11. If At First You Don't Succeed... Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
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12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
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13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
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14. Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.
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15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.
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16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.
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17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
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18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home
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19. I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha
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20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
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21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
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22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
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23. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
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24. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
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25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
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26. Illiterate? Write For Help
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27. Honk If Anything Falls Off
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28. Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes
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29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
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30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
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31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
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32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
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33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
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37. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong...
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38. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
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39. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over... [Seen Upside Down On A Jeep]
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40. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
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41. Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
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42. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
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43. Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.
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44. Ask Me About Ebonics
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45. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
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46. Boldly Going Nowhere
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47. Cat: The Other White Meat
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48. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde
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49. Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That
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50. Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
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51. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
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52. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is lost?
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53. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.
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54. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
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55. Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit ... Got It!
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56. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.
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57. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN.
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58. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.
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59. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
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60. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
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61. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
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62. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
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63. So you're a feminist...Isn't that precious.
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64. I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?
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65. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
