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Seaviper's blog: "gray hair"

created on 10/09/2006  |  http://fubar.com/gray-hair/b11866

Kmart

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lmfao i love it we all know we wanted to do this lol
15 Weirdest Work Stories of 2007 By Rachel Zupek, CareerBuilder.com writer Natural disasters, revolutionary technology, pro-athlete scandals and national calamities marked 2007 as an unforgettable year. Yet, amid these major happenings arose stories that were overlooked, unseen or ignored altogether: tales of our nation’s work force. Understandably, these pieces weren’t as newsworthy as Michael Vick’s dog fighting charges or Paris Hilton going to jail. But these stories held an angle unlike any other: They were just plain weird. Here are 15 headlines that exemplify the strange happenings that took place in the workplace in 2007. 1. “Employee eats 32 vending machine items for charity” A juvenile probation officer ate one of every item in a county courthouse vending machine in one day. She consumed more than 7,000 calories and more than 300 grams of fat, eating such items as beef sticks, candy bars, Pop Tarts and potato chips – all to win a bet with co-workers and raise $300 for charity. 2. “Cola wars get physical as Pepsi worker attacks Coke employee” Two employees from the rival companies got into a tiff over shelf space in the aisle of a Wal-Mart in Indiana. The Pepsi worker allegedly assaulted the Coca-Cola employee, hitting him in the face, giving him a black eye and breaking his nose. Police say the two were also accused of trying to run each other over with pallets full of soda bottles. 3. “Alleged robber asks victim out for date” After two men robbed a Domino’s Pizza delivery woman, one of them called the victim from his cell phone to apologize – and to ask her out. 4. “Four women fired for gossiping” Four women employed in a small New Hampshire town were fired for gossiping about a relationship between the town administrator and a fellow co-worker. They were fired on the basis that “gossip, whispering and an unfriendly environment are causing poor morale and interfering with the efficient performance of town business.” 5. “Eau de Lawsuit: Woman sues over scent” An employee in the Detroit planning department sued the city, saying a female co-worker’s strong fragrance prohibited her from working. The woman claimed she is severely sensitive to perfumes and her co-worker not only wore a strong scent, but also plugged in a scented room deodorizer. 6. “Salt lands McDonald’s employee in jail” A McDonald’s employee was arrested, jailed and is facing criminal charges because a police officer got sick after a hamburger he ate was too salty. The employee accidentally spilled salt on some hamburger meat and told her supervisor and co-worker, who “tried to thump the salt off.” The employee was charged because she served the burger “without regards to the well-being of anyone who might consume it.” 7. “Carpenter free to ply trade in the nude” A carpenter caught hammering nails and sawing wood in the nude says he prefers working in the buff because it’s more comfortable and helps keep his clothes clean. The carpenter was found not guilty of indecent exposure. 8. “Southwest Airlines employee tells passenger her outfit won’t fly” A Southwest employee asked a young woman in a short skirt to leave the airplane, saying she was dressed too provocatively for the family airline. The young woman was eventually allowed to complete her trip after covering up. On her return flight, she came home with no problem – in the same outfit. 9. “Employee accused of faking being cop” A Taco Bell employee was arrested for impersonating a law enforcement officer and attempting to arrest his managers and co-worker. He passed himself off as an undercover narcotics investigator, going as far as typing fake criminal histories on the general manager, two shift managers and an employee and telling them they were going to be arrested. 10. “Employee took 1 million screws home from factory” An assembly worker hid screws in a specially designed hiding place and took up to 7,000 home with him every day. Over a two-year period, he stole more than 1.1 million screws with an estimated value of $155,000. He allegedly sold the screws over the Internet at discount prices. 11. “Deputy nabbed twice for DUI – by husband” An off-duty jail deputy was pulled over and charged with driving under the influence – by her husband, a fellow deputy. She supposedly left before he could give her a Breathalyzer test, so he pulled her over again and called for backup. She was placed on administrative leave. 12. “Workers killed after seeking raises” A car dealership owner killed two employees because they kept asking for more pay. The employer told police he was having financial problems and was under a lot of stress. 13. “Man demands coupons from radio station employee” A radio station employee was threatened at gunpoint when an angry patron was unhappy with the promotional bumper stickers he received. The patron demanded McDonald’s coupons instead; when the employee didn’t have any, the man flashed what looked like a handgun. She searched her car and found a coupon for a free cheeseburger. The man took it, made a derogatory comment about the radio station and rode away on his bike. 14. “Wienermobile gets cop roasted” When a 27-foot-long, 11-foot-tall vehicle – known to most as the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile – was slowing traffic in a construction zone in Arizona, an officer ran its “YUMMY” license plate to make sure it was street legal. A bad computer entry erroneously showed the Wienermobile as having stolen plates, forcing the officer to pull it over. After further investigation, the officer learned that the entry should have read that license plate had been stolen – but only if found on any vehicle that isn’t a giant hot dog. 15. “Drive-through dispute gets suspect jail food” Workers at a Burger King in New York got into a dispute with a customer after he refused to turn his music down while ordering at the drive-through. The customer grabbed the restaurant’s manager, tried to pull her through a window and then attempted to run over a worker who came to help the manager.

men

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and women wounder why men act the way we do

joke

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place First guy: You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend. Second guy: That is nothing; I had to promise my wife that I would build her a new deck for the pool. Third guy: Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I would remodel the kitchen for her. They continue to fish. When they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word, they asked him.You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal? Fourth guy: I just set my alarm for 4:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a slap on her butt and said: 'Fishing or Sex?' and she said: Wear sun-block.

The Wedding Ring

This was in a newspaper in the southwest. Subject: The Wedding Ring Recently a man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from >his penis. His mistress found the ring in his pants pocket, and she got so >mad at him, she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his penis while he >was asleep. I don't know what's worse: 1) Having your mistress find out you're married. 2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis. 3) Or finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring.
-A Sailor's Request- written by: Roland Garza (this poem is dedicated to my father, Master Chief Petty Officer Roland Garza, Sr., and all the troops who are out in the Persian Gulf right now defending our country, I LOVE YOU DAD!!) "I am a Sailor standing proud and tall As I depart to answer this call What I have to leave behind is too much to bear I'll be missing every second I'm not there But as I go off to fight for your many rights When I'm all alone in my bunk and scared It will be you who I am thinking of, My family, My love For it is you who I fight for, So all I ask is for one little thing Please don't stop thinking about me Say a little prayer for me and my crew As we sail off into the ocean blue And as I wave off to you Please don't forget that I LOVE YOU."
>Subject: I got your back--soldiers poem > > > > >I Got Your Back > > > >I am a small and precious child, my dad's been sent to fight. > >The only place I'll see his face is in my dreams at night. > >He will be gone too many days for my young mind to keep track. > >I may be sad, but I am proud. > >My daddy's got your back. > > > >I am a caring mother. My son has gone to war. > >My mind is filled with worries that I have never known before. > >Every day I try to keep my thoughts from turning black. > >I may be scared, but I am proud. > >My son has got your back. > > >I am a soldier's sister, my brother's out at sea. > >He's on his way to Iraq today, to fight for you and me. > >I pray for him each day and night, my voice will often crack. > >The tears may come, but I am proud. > >My brother's got your back. > > >I am a strong and loving wife whose husband's off to war. > >Often times I'm terrified in ways unknown to me before. > >I bite my lip and force a smile as I watch my husband leave. > >My heart may break, but I am proud. > >My husband's got your back. > > >I am a soldier . . . serving proud, and standing tall. > >I fight for freedom, yours and mine, by answering this call. > >I do my job while knowing the thanks it often lacks. > >Please say a prayer that I'll come home. > >It's me whose got your back. > >

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got to love this one

Why Parents Get Gray Hair A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands: Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant. Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren. Your son, Chad P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
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