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What are you waiting for?

What we had, was a few moments in time. What you held were my dreams, What I had was hope. What I hold is memories, of how i want to feel again. What I need is to heal, for now I hide in myself. I have survived the pain, The fist that pounded into me. The bruises have faded completely, the memories haunt me less. I was strong enough to walk away, though my head was down. I had the will to survive, and this will be the same. This is better. I can laugh or cry, I can thrive or fail. My life is my own. I have been held gently. Stroked correctly, held lightly, caressed sofly, kissed fiercly... and I have been set free. I will once again find my wings, I have been through worse things.

I Stand....March 18, 08

Men have come and gone, As the moon rises to give way to dawn, Two stay with me, Into my eternity. One made me cower, To obey his command and cringe at his power. One held me tenderly And healed me completely. To one I bore three children, For all the work; the joy they've been. One gave them light and laughter, Only to turn and fade ever after. With them both there was hope and desire, Until reality came to put out the fire. After the first time I did not believe my broken heart could shine. And after the last one- It is not for me to wonder... I know what true love feels like To be so desired is just right. I have felt it once... and cannot wait to again feek its touch...
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Uh huh...

Its me....

.......to saddness...

Darkness.. By Tansy Peschel Its murky gray cloud Blocks my vision, Obscures my goals, Overwhelms me when I let it. It chokes my dreams And douses flames of desire. I feel its claws Grabbing at my feet-pulling me down. It would be so easy, To go quietly. "No one cares, who would miss you," Echoes in my heart. "I offer peace, tranquility. Silence…freedom… Drift along aimlessly, Let me engulf you" NO! I fight back. Must move forward. I want color And laughter. To live Feel Love. The fog has lifted The sun still shines within me…
Late December..... For Todd (not the one on FU), Original by Tansy Peschel I am standing at the waters edge My bare feet digging into to wet sand. In my hand I am holding a wet stick Sand clinging to the point… As far down the beach as I can see, Our names…are together In as many ways as I could put them. Yours first, with a heart…always linked… The wind is pulling a my sweater My hair is a wild tangled mess, My oversized sunglasses block The blowing sand, the end of the day glare. The tide is coming in faster, Closer…My rolled up jeans are getting wet, And the cold is into my bones, But what I feel is the empty place in my heart… What I long for is peace, Knowing you live with me still, In my memory, Always with your arms around me. The kisses that lasted forever. Your caress down my arms Across my tattoo, Your breath in my ear… Lost in memories I do not notice the water is now at my toes. Our names have washed away As many before and more after, will as well. I do not feel his presence behind me Until his hand is on my back. I turn towards him, but can't look up, He lets my tears fall freely… I wonder at his patience, In giving me time to let go Of a dream that was over So long ago… I take his hand and walk away, again...
Party Girl Tansy Peschel 1-6-08 You know who I am I have many friends, We get babysitters, And go out on the town. I may catch your eye, Smile, flirt and giggle as you walk by. I may even dance with you out on the floor. Most likely though I am out there with my girls… or by myself. I am having fun. I will laugh too loud, I will drink too much. I will make you feel Like you are the best. Look at my smile. Is it real? Or am I thinking, Why am I here? I watch my friends Dance with you on the floor, And yet I know just an hour before… They kissed their man at the door. I shake my head And wonder why one is not enough. I watch you come towards me, Pick up lines flowing forth. Really, haven't I heard that before? Yes, sometimes I feel beautiful. I like my tattoo as well. I know what I am looking for. And you know what to say. Every man I talk to, knows the words as well. Would you just listen? You would know those lines Are just lines, I have heard them before. Is there someone who can touch my heart, so deep inside. With truth and sincerity, Not lines and alcohol. Maybe the man who quietly Watches me. The one who is thinking One day she will be done. Looking at the men Who are here just for fun. The one who notices My joy does not reach inside. I am smiling big But it does not shine through my eyes. Right now I am wondering Why I did not stay in bed. I was warm and cozy And dreaming it was different. Do me a favor, The next time you meet me Or one of my sisters, Buy me a soda. Wait for me to say, Let's dance, I have been watching you Hoping you would come my way. I know what color my eyes are And I bought this shirt For a reason, I like wearing it. Imagine what is underneath. I will tell you now, That is all you will get. So shallow words, and kisses Will not make my knees weak. If you take my number, Call me. And not at 2:30, When you strike out tomorrow. Get real. Take me to lunch. Not, can I come over for an hour, It will be worth your while. An hour, really? What I am looking for is life. I am thinking about the man I love. What I did wrong, What I would do right if given the chance. I know he sees us and thinks he was right. What he is not looking for Is my eyes meeting his, Asking him to save me, from the monotony. So for now this is done. I will be happy with my hand, Until next time, Someone says lets go dance… It will be fun…
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