For so many years I found myself using you as my weapon of choice. My flower self struggled like a warrior to blossom in the ashes of the crystal ball. So often I sat in the mouth of Mother Earth to escape the prison of your "love". I internalized the pain you "inflicted" , becoming my own prey. The secrets my heart hold to this day are kept safe by wisdom. Nobody knows all of what happened between us: the inner child and the woman I am now. The things we had to endure together were never okay. The ways we dealt with the pain were like ghosts do: playing the tapes over and over, trying to make sense of things. I don't regret not knowing you as well as I should have. We had to part so early in life to survive. You know how things were. I kept your letters. Remember the way you used to make up stories about people to lessen your own pain? Your lies were escape. They were also more ammunition for what took place. Nobody knows what, who, where or when. It's best to keep some things in the painting. Not every story needs to be told. I paint my fears away when the sun shines. I remember what a beautiful day it is, even if there's a storm brewing outside. Knowing you, my inner child, brought me those gifts. You were thrown in front of many trains in your few years of being. The trains are faded. Now you can walk along the road of life with your wings of steel. You've been given another chance to breathe, to dance, to laugh, to be yourself with no consequences to pay for being YOU. Go ahead and roam the land of life and love. There are no more chains. You will not be tortured for your wonder. I am now a woman, but you can forever live, laugh and love within me. I will keep you safe and sound. Dance as you please, little angel. Grow as you need, deserving flower. You are finally home again... and we walk as one. We are one. I am Megan, a woman very wise... and a child at heart. I am finally free to be me. So here, at 28, is where I begin painting my life as it should be: my life. It's never too late to paint a fairytale for a princess.
