The anticipation is over. She really left. She took the kids, she took the phone. Here I sit as I have all day surrounded by photos of our past with no positive thoughts of the future. Was our life a lie? The smiles and happiness I see are they fake? How I miss you. How I want you here. Man I am pathetic. When did I get this way? Will it ever go away. Can either of us really move on without running into failure. Can we enter a relationship and really believe it will work. Did we not think we would work? We would last forever? I did. I thought we would be old one day. You and I. I dont want to be bitter. I dont want to be mad. I hurt so bad it is hard not to be. I thought you might atleast let me know somehow you made it safe. I hope you did. I just need to vent and let it out. THis whirlwind of emotion that I am swimming in. If your reading this and thinking poorly of me cut me some slack. Today I lost what to me is everything. Over eight years of life pissed away. Was it really that bad? IT wasnt for me. Not till now. Now the pain is immense the end unimaginable. It seems this day has no end. It couldnt happen on a worse day. The moon is full and when I see it in its glorious wonder I think of her as I always have. Soaking in the light taking its strength. I wish I could find some strength to be a man. I hope someday I can write a blog that isn't so blue. Someday I would like to smile again.