Joe's blog: "Goddamn Hoaxes!"

http://www.snopes.com/business/origins/blackinv.asp A very humorous and revealing story is told about a group of white people who were fed up with African Americans, so they joined together and wished themselves away. They passed through a deep dark tunnel and emerged in sort of a twilight zone where there is an America without black people. At first these white people breathed a sigh of relief. At last, they said, No more crime, drugs, violence and welfare. All of the blacks have gone! Then suddenly, reality set in. The "NEW AMERICA" is not America at all-only a barren land. 1. There are very few crops that have flourished because the nation was built on a slave-supported system. 2. There are no cities with tall skyscrapers because Alexander Mils, a black man, invented the elevator, and without it, one finds great difficulty reaching higher floors. 3. There are few if any cars because Richard Spikes, a black man, invented the automatic gearshift, Joseph Gambol, also black, invented the Super Charge System for Internal Combustion Engines, and Garrett A. Morgan, a black man, invented the traffic signals. 4. Furthermore, one could not use the rapid transit system because its procurer was the electric trolley, which was invented by another black man, Albert R. Robinson. 5. Even if there were streets on which cars and a rapid transit system could operate, they were cluttered with paper because an African American, Charles Brooks, invented the street sweeper. 6. There were few if any newspapers, magazines and books because John Love invented the pencil sharpener, William Purveys invented the fountain pen, and Lee Barrage invented the Type Writing Machine and W. A. Love invented the Advanced Printing Press. They were all, you guessed it, Black. 7. Even if Americans could write their letters, articles and books, they would not have been transported by mail because William Barry invented the Postmarking and Canceling Machine, William Purveys invented the Hand Stamp and Philip Downing invented the Letter Drop. 8. The lawns were brown and wilted because Joseph Smith invented the Lawn Sprinkler and John Burr the Lawn Mower. 9. When they entered their homes, they found them to be poorly ventilated and poorly heated. You see, Frederick Jones invented the Air Conditioner and Alice Parker the Heating Furnace. Their homes were also dim. But of course, Lewis Lattimer later invented the Electric Lamp, Michael Harvey invented the lantern,and Granville T. Woods invented the Automatic Cut off Switch. Their homes were also filthy because Thomas W. Steward invented the Mop and Lloyd P. Ray the Dust Pan. 10. Their children met them at the door- barefooted, shabby, motley and unkempt. But what could one expect? Jan E. Matzelinger invented the Shoe Lasting Machine,Walter Sammons invented the Comb, Sarah Boone invented the Ironing Board, and George T. Samon invented the Clothes Dryer. 11. Finally, they were resigned to at least have dinner amidst all of this turmoil. But here again, the food had spoiled because another Black Man, John Standard invented the refrigerator. Now, isn't that something? What would this country be like without the contributions of Blacks, as African-Americans? Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "by the time we leave for work, Americans have depended on the inventions from the minds of Blacks." Black history includes more than just slavery, Frederick Douglass, Martin Luther King, Jr., Malcolm X, and Marcus Garvey & W.E.B. Dubois.

http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/missing/montoya.asp Tennesee state police have issued a state wide amber alert. There is a missing child named Andrea Montoya. She just went missing at 2:45. and she was last seen in gatlenburg at the River Terrace hotel in the laundry room wearing a purple coat and grey jogging pants. she is 3 ft tall and weighs 96 lbs. She is originally from florida and is here on vacation with her grandmom and mother. A white jeep cherokee with Florida sunshine license plate was seen circling the area. please guys and girls repost this...i want to see every single one of my friends repost this because i know you all have a heart! she was kidnapped jsut a few hours ago today. it will take like 5 seconds to repost.. What if someone sees this that knows something and a grandma and mother get their kid back. how great would that be? so please just take 5 seconds out of your life to do this

I read a version of this poem at least 5 years ago, and it was about a policeman. I don't know who wrote the original, but it definitely wasn't a soldier that is currently in Iraq. Soldier: > >THE FINAL INSPECTION > > > >The soldier stood and faced God, > >Which must always come to pass. > >He hoped his shoes were shining, > >Just as brightly as his brass. > > > >"Step forward now, you soldier, > >How shall I deal with you? > >Have you always turned the other cheek? > >To My Church have you been true?" > > > >The soldier squared his shoulders and said, > >"No, Lord, I guess I ain't. > >Because those of us who carry guns, > >Can't always be a saint. > > > >I've had to work most Sundays, > >And at times my talk was tough. > >And sometimes I've been violent, > >Because the world is awfully rough. > > > >But, I never took a penny, > >That wasn't mine to keep... > >Though I worked a lot of overtime, > >When the bills got just too steep. > > > >And I never passed a cry for help, > >Though at times I shook with fear. > >And sometimes, God, forgive me, > >I've wept unmanly tears. > > > >I know I don't deserve a place, > >Among the people here. > >They never wanted me around, > >Except to calm their fears. > > > >If you've a place for me here, Lord, > >It needn't be so grand. > >I never expected or had too much, > >But if you don't, I'll understand." > > > >There was a silence all around the throne, > >Where the saints had often trod. > >As the soldier waited quietly, > >For the judgement of his God. > > > >"Step forward now, you soldier, > >You've borne your burdens well. > >Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets, > >You've done your time in Hell." > > > >~Author Unknown~ > > > >Remember, it is the Soldier, not the reporter Who has > >given us the freedom of the press. It is the Soldier, > >not the poet, Who has given us the freedom of speech. > >It is the Soldier Who salutes the flag, Who serves > >beneath the flag, and Whose coffin is draped by the > >flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag. > >Please pass this on and pray for our men and women > >currently serving our country and pray for those who > >gave the ultimate sacrifice for freedom. > > > > > >Live Well > >Laugh Often > >Love Much Policeman: "The Final Inspection" The policeman stood and faced his God, which must always come to pass. He hoped his shoes were shining, just as brightly as his brass. "Step forward now, policeman. How shall I deal with you? Have you always turned the other cheek? To My church have you been true?" The policeman squared his shoulders and said, "No Lord. I guess I ain't. Because those who carry badges, can't always be a saint." "I've had to work most Sundays, and at times my talk was rough... and sometimes I've been violent because the streets are awful tough." "But I never took a penny, that wasn't mine to keep... though I worked a lot of overtime when the bills got just too steep." "And I never passed a cry for help, though at times I shook with fear. And sometimes, God forgive me, I wept unmanly tears." "I know I don't deserve a place among the people here. They never wanted me around except to calm their fear." "If you've a place for me here, Lord, it needn't be so grand. I never expected or had too much, But, if you don't...I'll understand." There was silence all around the throne, where saints had often trod, as the policeman waited quietly for the judgement of his God. "Step forward now, policeman You've borne your burdens well. Come walk a beat on heaven's streets. You've done your time in hell." Submitted by Katherine A. Thompson, former Kansas State Trooper Dispatcher. (can anyone verify this?)

http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/medical/dawson.asp READ PLEASE Body: Everyone needs to take the time and read this. Just take a break from all your other stupid bulletins about who is gonna die or if your love life will suck for 7 years and be serious and do the right thing. Repost this or you have no soul seriously. A kid needs our help so do the right thing. HI my name is Matt Dawson. I am 23 years old, and I have a large tumor on my brain and severe lung cancer. The doctors say I will die soon if this isn't fixed, and my family can't pay the bills. "The Make A Wish Foundation" has agreed to donate 7 cents for every time this message is reposted. For those of you who repost, I thank you so much. But for those who don't repost it, I will still pray for you. Please, if you are a kind person, have a heart. Please, please, PLEASE REPOST THIS MESSAGE AS "READ PLEASE!" Matt Dawson YOU-DUM-BASS Home Please feel free to call me for anything. *hey it wont cost you but 10 seconds

Why do you post these idiotic bulletins? http://www.snopes.com/horrors/ghosts/winstead.asp They pushed her Body: About 6 years ago in Indiana, Carmen Winstead was pushed down a sewer opening.. I'm not wasting my time fixing this abortion. Post paragraphs like normal human beings, not like 14 year old myspace retards. Click the link and read it your damn self.

This bulletin is so full of bullshit, it might put a lot of bullshit factories out of business. On the other hand, the gullible factory is at 100% production and still going strong. http://www.snopes.com/horrors/parental/parental.asp I was stunned when I read this...pass it along to others! > >McDonalds, Chuck E Cheese, Discovery Zone... Some of you might >not be parents, but you may have nieces, nephews, grandchildren or >friends with children. This will pertain to you too. As I read the >following, my heart sank. I urge each and every one of you to >pass this on to as many people as you can. I cannot stress how >important this is! > >This is very disturbing news. In addition to the following true >story... > >One son lost his watch, and was very upset. We dug and dug in >those balls, trying to find the watch. Instead, we found vomit, >food, >feces, and other stuff I do not want to discuss. I went to >the manager and raised hell. Come to find out, the ball pit is >only cleaned out once a month. I have doubts that it is even >done that often. My kids will never play in another ball pit. > >Now read this PRETTY SCARY!! > >Hi. My name is Lauren Archer, my son Kevin and I lived in >Midland,TN. On October 2nd, 1999 I took my only son to >McDonald's for his 3rd birthday. >After he finished lunch, I allowed him to play in the ball pit. >When he started whining later on, I asked him what was wrong, he >pointed to the back of his pull-up diaper and simply said >"Mommy, it hurts." I couldn't find anything wrong with him at that >time. >I bathed him when we got home, and it was at that point when I found >a welt on his left buttock. Upon investigating, it seemed as if >there was something like a splinter under the welt. I made an >appointment to see the doctor the next day, but soon he started >vomiting and shaking, then his eyes rolled back into his head. >From there, we went to the emergency room. He died later that >night. It turned out that the welt on his buttock was the tip of a >hypodermic needle that had broken off inside. The autopsy revealed >that Kevin had died from a heroine overdose. The next week, the >police removed the balls from the ball pit. There was rotten food, >several hypodermic needles: some full, some used; knives, >half-eaten candy, diapers, feces, and the stench of urine. > >If a child is not safe in a child's play area then where? You >can find the article on Kevin Archer in the October 10,1999 >issue of the Midland Chronicle. >Please forward this to all loving mothers, fathers and anyone >who loves and cares for children! >Don't think it's just McDonald's either or that this is >something that just started... > >When my oldest son who is now 9 was >small the area Burger King closed their play area for awhile for >"remodeling" because in another town there had been an incident >similar to the one described above that happen @ a Burger King. > >..A little boy had been playing in a ball pit & started >complaining of his legs hurting. He later died too. He was found to >have snake bites all over his legs & buttocks. When they cleaned >the ball pit they found that there was a copperhead nest in the >ball pit. He had suffered numerous bites from a very poisonous >snake. > >keep reading > >In Florida and other places on the East Coast a group of people >are putting HIV/AIDS infected and filled needles underneath gas >pump handles, so when someone reaches to pick it up and put gas in >their car, they get stabbed with it. 16 people have been a victim >of this crime so far and 10 tested HIV positive. > >Instead of posting that stupid crap about how your love life will >suck for years to >come of you don't re-post, post this. It's important to inform >people, even if you don't drive, a family member might, and what >if they were next? CHECK UNDER THE HANDLE BEFORE YOU GRAB IT!!! >IT MIGHT SAVE YOUR LIFE! > >Tell as many people as you can about this serious issue... > >Save a Life, tell someone!!!

http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/missing/ashleyflores.asp Friends, Please look at the picture, read what her mother says, then forward his message on. Maybe if everyone passes this on, someone will see this child. That is how the girl from Stevens Point was found by circulation of her picture on tv. The internet circulates even overseas, South America , and Canada etc. Thanks Please pass this to everyone in your address book. ! We have a Deli manager (Acme Mark ets) from Philadelphia , Pa who has a 13 year old daughter who has been missing for 2 weeks. Keep the picture moving on. With luck on her side she will be found. "I am asking you all, begging you to please forward this email on to anyone and everyone you know, PLEASE. My 13 year old girl, Ashley Flores, is missing. She has been missing for now two weeks. It is still not too late. Please help us. If anyone any where knows anything, please contact me at: HelpfindAshleyFlores@yahoocomI am in cluding a picture of her. All prayers are appreciated!! " It only takes 2 seconds to re-post this. If it was your child, you would want all the help you could get.

You can't possibly think these are real, since most (all?) of them are known models. http://www.snopes.com/photos/people/models.asp you are beautiful the way you are, please dont let society get to you and brainwash you into thinking this is beautiful and no one will like you unless you wear a size three...learn to accept your body and the way you look because thats who you are..and if someone tries to change you then FUCK EM!!!!!

http://www.snopes.com/politics/military/starbucks.asp STARBUCKS DENIES COFFEE TO MARINES Recently Marines in Iraq wrote to Starbucks because they wanted to let them know how much they liked their coffees and to request that they send some of it to the troops there. Starbucks replied, telling the Marines "thank you for their support of their business, but that Starbucks does not support the war, nor anyone in it, and that they would not send the troops their brand of coffee. So as not to offend Starbucks, maybe we should not support them by buying any of their products! As a war vet writing to fellow patriots, I feel we should get this out in the open. I know this war might not be very popular with some folks, but that doesn't mean we don't support the boys on the ground fighting street-to-street and house-to-house for what they and I believe is right. If you feel the same as I do then pass this along, or you can discard it and no one will never know. Thanks very much for your support. I know you'll all be there again when I deploy once more. "Semper Fidelis." Sgt Howard C. Wright 1st Force Recon Co 1st Plt PLT USMC

Who writes this shit? More importantly, who believes this shit? http://www.breakthechain.org/exclusives/selfdefense.html http://www.fightsafe.com/rapists.pdf http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/outrage/rape.htm This is important information for females of ALL ages. Guys - please forward to the female members of your family and all your female friends and associates. When this was sent to me, I was told to forward it to my lady friends. I forwarded it to most every! one in my address book. My men friends have female friends and this information is too important to miss someone. Please pass it along. A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts: 1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets. 2) The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who's clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around specifically to cut clothing. 3) They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered. 4) Men are most likely to attack & rape in the early morning, between 5:00a.m. and 8:30a.m. 5) The number one place women are abducted from/attacked is grocery store parking lots. Number two is office parking lots/garages. Number three is public restrooms. 6) The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to another location where they don't have to worry about getting caught. 7) Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years. 8) If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming. 9) These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands. Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it. 10) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is following behind you on a street or ! in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: "I can't believe it is so cold out here", "we're in for a bad winter." Now you've seen their face and could identify them in a line-up; you lose appeal as a target. 11) If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell STOP or STAY BACK ! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target. 12) If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yell "I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY" and holding it out will be a deterrent. 13) If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm (between the elbow and armpit) OR in the upper inner thigh - VERY VERY HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands - the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it hurts. 14) After the initial hit, always GO for the GROIN . I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll! anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he's out of there. 15) When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly. 16) Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts!!! You may feel a little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.