SpellVixenRLWife of Finisher1269's blog: "Glows' Thoughts"

If you want to know what I'm thinking

  learn to read my mind

If you want to know how I'm feeling

   open your eyes I'm not that hard to read

If you don't understand me

  take the time to listen when i speak

If you want me around

   show interest

If you hurt me

 I'll use the past to compare

If you use the word "whatever" and walk away

  I'll feel like I'm not worth it

If i make you  mad then yell, scream,and cuss at me

   but know your not the first

And most of all if you want forgiveness

  just ask for it

1. Spell your name backward -relheoK enerI eidnarB 2. Story behind your name My Middle name is after my great grand mother 3. whens your birthday Nov 1,1978 4. Where do you live - St Louis, MO DESCRIBE YOUR: 5. Wallet - Pictures, membership cards, bank card, credit card,Drivers License 6. Eyes - Dark Brown 7. Toothbrush - Blue and white 8. Jewelry worn daily - tongue ring, shroom necklace 9. Cell Phone - Verizon ice blue chocolate 10. Pillow cover right now - white 11. Car - um Ford Explorer Eddie Bower Edition 12. Bedroom: - Dark and Messed Up 13. Sunglasses - Lost 15. Cologne/Perfume - PURE INSTINCT 16. CD in stereo right now - burnt stuff 17. Piercings - ears tongue 18. What you are wearing now - Thong,Bra, Jeans, T-shirt, Hoodie 19. Wishing - If i tell you my wishes they wont come true 20. Wanting - More time 21. After this - Make dinner and Homework with My Girls 22. If you could get away with it and murder anyone who would it be - why would anyone answer this cause if that person just happens to die there gonna look for me first duh 24. Some of your favorite movies - Message in a Bottle, The Notebook, Saw 1-4 25. Something you're looking forward to in the coming week - Halloween,My 30th B-day and time alone with HIM 26. Something you just ate - um Fried Pickles and Pizza Rolls (yeah sounds gross to me to but its a craving thing) 27. Something you are deathly afraid of - Silence 28. Do you like candles - Yes 29. Do you like incense - Yes 30. Do you like the taste of blood - Yummy 31. Do you believe in love - Yes 33. Do you believe in love at first sight - Love is never at first site 34. Do you believe in Heaven - I Believe in Something but not even i am sure of what it is 35. Do you believe in God - Sure 39. Can you eat with chopsticks - Yes 40. What's your favorite coin - um dime 41. What are some of your favorite candies - smarties or candy corn 43. What's something you wish you could understand better - I wish i could understand lots of things 44. How many people have you kissed - Really i mean really i didnt keep count i know i have kiss 3 girls but as far as guys well idk lots 47. Are you shy around your crush - i can be at times but i am learning to open up to him 49. Do you know what it feels like to be in love - Yes 50. Would you sacrifice your favorite possession for your best friends - have before FASHION STUFF 52. Have any tattoos - love in kenji on my right leg, and a dragonfly on my back 53. What is your favorite thing to wear - jeans/shorts t-shirt tennis shoes 54. How much is the most you've ever spent on a single item of clothing - around 200 bucks 55. Who is the most fashionable person you know - hell idk everyone has there own fashion so it really doesnt mean that much to me 56. Do you match your belt with your hair color - no 57. What is the worst thing you've ever thought would look good - gold band on my hand 58. How many pairs of shoes do you own - 5 or maybe 6 59. Do you match your socks with your outfit - i just wear white no show socks 60. What is the worst trend you see today - Slut look leaves nothing to the imagination 61: Coolest Mutant Power You would like to Have: - Mind reading and alteration 62: Code Name: What would your superhero-like code name be if you had superpowers or became a mutant?: - idk 63: Pirate or Ninja?: - ninja-lette 64: Favourite Video Game of all time?: - AAAhhhhh pac man or tetris 65) Homer Simpson vs. Peter Griffen?: - who? 66.) Crossing Jordan or CSI?: - CSI

The Invitation by Oriah It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love for your dream for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon... I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy mine or your own if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful to be realistic to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure yours and mine and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes." It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

--------------NOVEMBER BABY -------------------- Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind.

Today for an English class i had to write an essay, on any topic i chose. I choose the last 3 months of my life. The meeting of new people the, the loosing of friends the new things i feel the songs i have found to be comforting when i need them and how everything is somehow connected to the music i choose. Anyhow i started as this sweet story of how i met this great guy that makes me smile. How the songs we think that fit us have new meanings and such then i went back to one of the last conversations he and i had. It was a conversation that would make the most stable girl shake in fear of not being good enough. i didn't shake i just laid still and watched the rest of the show we were watching. I didn't cry ( i don't cry in front of him when i hurt from his words) He is hurting too so why show him that i am hurting. I have been through the pain before i wanted him to be the guy that at least respected the rules i understand that rules are made to be bend or even broken but when you only set one it must be the one thing you would ask of anyone.Its a respect me and my body kinda rule and i have or thought i had every right to ask it and i respect it for him. honestly he is the first i ever have respected it for in my life i wanted to change me to make myself better for doing so. Back to my essay!!! It started as this sweet and honest to goodness recollection of how for the first time in my life i was just being me not smiling and saying what everyone wanted to hear. and of course the meeting of this guy well it turned on me quick and how i cry and hurt and how i am not a strong as i should be or even as i appear to others. When i turned on the radio to find inspiration to rewrite~ probably the one song i love and hate the most came on and for the last time it made me cry!!! i changed ring tones on my phone so i don't have to hear it.Then everyone in my phone got a new ring tone!!!! That song means so much to me and i feel every word but it also hurts me because i can not believe i am hear again. Being me and "perfect" as i have been told. Well if i am "perfect" then why is it that any man that's ever said that to me left me worse off than when he found me? Am i so easily shown the way and excepted whats handed to me that i make the best of any situation that i believe that all good things end in the pain of me. i probably do not make since right now but i do to me.So my essay got turned in about the music and how i feel it and how the words give me inspiration or break my heart i named the songs fr my teacher so he could listen to them if he chose here they are for you!!! Far away by Nickel Back~ She never cried in front of me by Toby Keith and Pain by Three Days Grace Ok Enough for now. Smiling with tears in my eyes because you never took the time to learn the windows to my soul speak to you!!! Glows

As in always your going to ask what my status means. Honestly it just one on of the things i say i'm gonna do. I wait to be so many things or means so many things to everyone. I can be the Best friends that you call at anytime that will get out of bed to talk or I can be the mommy that makes you think that her girls are lucky to have her. I have been and can be the wonderful Wife or girl friend. I can be the Piece of Ass. I can be the patient one that sits that understands or I can be the the one that just listens while you talk and hangs on every word as if your speaking to my soul. I do believe everything you say to me because i dont not lie to you. I am not always what i can be but i am always keeping track of what i do or say wrong past present future every memory of everything i ever focused on is in my head. Lately I have been the girl thats afraid. I am afraid to be happy i am afraid the love i am afraid to say things all wrong. If you ask me whats wrong i resist telling you and before i say anything i have already justified it being my fault so that when you turn it on me i can just understand. I am a strong woman that stands up for who she loves. I can be the Lover or i can be the Fighter. I can be Jealous or maybe i just am jealous but either way i always get this evil feeling that i must protect and secure my place. I never act on it. I have been the girl that is hear for everyone but when i need someone no one is here for me. Everyone in my life has many many things they can be doing so i become the babysitter or the single mom or the friend that is at home. I dont know how to be the girlfriend i dont know how to be nonexclusive i dont know how to not care about everyone my life touches. I am just this girl that tries very hard to be everything for everyone. there is a sticker i sent to most of you that says i smile through my tears and brighten your day even if you cant brighten mine well its true ask those close to me i am the first to bite my tounge or the last to leave if things need done. When i close my eyes to sleep at night my hopes are that one day someone anyone will see just how i am and can be. So i am waiting for that waiting for someone to really take a look at me look into my eyes and see how wounded i am how broken the past has left me how scared i am to even speak maybe if i am silent i am only trying to figure out if i dont not speak i am just trying not to be the scared little girl i feel like i am. I already am or have been neglected abused beaten raped mistreated misunderstood knocked to my knees cried myself to sleep prayed for death and lots of other things so when you get the feeling that i am pulling away i'm usually not i am just remembering how this ends up. But i'l wait as always the angel awaits you. tell me in your comment how i am doing