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Ghettoicity

You Know them You Love them You've Seen them 1,000 Times It's: YOU KNOW YOU'RE GHETTO IF: 1. THERE'S REUSABLE BACON GREASE IN A MAXWELL HOUSE CAN IN THE CENTER OF THE BURNERS ON YOUR STOVE. 2. THE BATTERIES IN YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ARE HELD IN PLACE WITH A PIECE OF TAPE. 3. YOUR DRINKING GLASSES USED TO BE JELLY JARS. 4. YOUR FURNITURE IS COVERED IN PLASTIC. 5. YOU RUN TO GET POTS AS SOON AS IT RAINS. 6. THE ROACHES IN YOUR HOUSE ONLY COME OUT WHEN COMPANY COMES. 7. YOU REFER TO YOUR DRESSER AS "THE BUREAU". 8. THE BACK OF YOUR TOILET SEAT IS ALWAYS OFF, AND YOU KNOW HOW TO MANUALLY FLUSH IT. 9. YOU HAVE MORE THAN TEN USES FOR VASELINE, AND ONE OF THEM IS SHOE POLISH. 10. YOU DON'T THINK YOU'RE CLEAN UNLESS THERE IS VISIBLE BABY POWDER ON YOUR NECK AND CHEST, AND YOU AIN'T EVEN NO BABY. 11. THE HEELS OF YOUR FEET LOOK LIKE YOU'VE BEEN KICKING "Bisquik". 12. YOU USE TUSSY. 13. YOU USE BLACK EYE LINER TO LINE YOUR LIPS. 14. YOUR LIPSTICK MATCHES YOUR CLOTHES. 15. YOU DRY-CLEAN YOUR WASHABLE CLOTHING (E.G., JEANS, T-SHIRTS, BASEBALL JERSEY, ETC.). 16.* THE ONLY ART YOU OWN IS ON YOUR FINGERNAILS.* FPRIVATE "TYPE=PICT;ALT=Image" 17. YOU'VE EVER WAITED SEVERAL HOURS IN A SALON TO GET YOUR HAIR DONE AND YOU HAD AN APPOINTMENT. 18. YOU PERM YOUR FIVE-YEAR-OLD'S HAIR. 19. YOU REFER TO THE HAIR AT THE NAPE OF YOUR NECK AS YOUR "KITCHEN". 20. YOUR CHILD THINKS HIS REAL NAME IS "LITTLE MAN". 21. YOU HAVE TROUBLE SPELLING YOUR CHILDREN'S NAMES...AND YOU NAMED THEM! 22. YOU WEIGH MORE THAN THREE HUNDRED POUNDS, BUT YOU CLAIM THAT YOU CAN'T EAT EVERYBODY ELSE'S FOOD... 23. YOU'VE EVER DROPPED ANYTHING AND KISSED IT UP TO GOD. 24. YOU'RE LATE FOR EVERYTHING, AND YOU TRY TO ACT LIKE IT'S A CULTURAL EXPRESSION. 25. YOU'VE EVER REFERRED TO THE WIND AS THE HAWK. 26. YOU ADD "ED" OR "T" TO THE END OF A WORD THAT'S ALREADY IN THE PAST TENSE (E.G., TOOKED, LIGHT-SKINNEDED, KILT, RUINT). 27. THE PERSON YOU'RE SPEAKING TO DOESN'T SPEAK ANY ENGLISH AND YOU JUST TALK LOUDER. 28. YOU TALK LOUD ON THE PHONE BECAUSE IT'S LONG DISTANCE. YOU USE BUT MISPRONOUNCE THESE WORDS: 29. AMBALAMPS-AMBULANCE 30. SKRIMPS OR STRIMPS-SHIRIMP (NOTE: THERE IS NO "S" ON THE END). 31. PACIFIC VS. SPECIFIC (NOTE: THESE ARE NOT INTERCHANGEABLE. IN ORDER TO DETERMINE WHICH IS APPROPRIATE, LISTEN TO CLUES SUCH AS REFERENCES TO LARGE BODIES OF WATER, AS OPPOSED TO THAT BODY OF WATER.) 32. SKREET-STREET 33. AXE-ASK 34. LOOK DEAD-LOOKED 35. MEMBER-OF OR PERTAINING TO A RECOLLECTION (E.G., YA'LL MEMBER THE TIME...?) 36. SPISKETTI-SPAGHETTI 37. ZINC-SINK 38. SHOWLIZ-THAT SURE IS 39. NEM-CONTRACTION FOR AND THEM (E.G., I CAN'T WAIT 'TIL KRAIG NEM GET HERE.) 40. FINNA- I WILL SOON BEGIN AN ACTION (E.G., LEVITRA! CIALIS! YOU FINNA TO GET ON MY LAST NERVE! 41. YOU PUT FINGERNAIL POLISH ON PANTYHOSE TO KEEP A RUN FROM GETTING WORSE... 42. YOU WEAR A WATCH THAT YOU KNOW DOESN'T WORK. 43. YOU HAVE MORE SHOES THAN YOU HAVE BOOKS. 44. YOU USE KETCHUP ON ANYTHING OTHER THAN A HOT DOG, FRENCH FRIES, OR HAMBURGER. 45. YOU GOT ANGRY WHEN THE GOVERNMENT STOPPED THE CHEESE PROGRAM. 46. YOU KNEW HOW TO MELT GOVERNMENT CHEESE. 47. YOU POP OR CRACK YOUR GUM. 48. YOU have eaten THESE GHETTO SNACKS: PORK RINDS CHITTERLINGS MOONPIES WITH COKE PISTACHIOS SUNFLOWER SEEDS PUMPKIN SEEDS LICORICE SALT 'N VINEGAR CHIPS NOW 'N LATERS JUICE-FILLED WAX PIXIE STIX TWISTERS BOM POPS PUSH-UPS MARY JANES LEMON HEADS BOSTON BAKED BEANS MR. SOFTEE REDHOTS FREEZPOPS CHICK O STIX SNOWBALLS JIFFY POP CHEEZ WHIZ POP-TARTS CANDY STUCK TO PAPER BLOWPOPS CANDY NECKLACES JAWBREAKERS SUGAR DADDY SUGAR MAMA SUGARBABIES. 49. YOU DRINK THESE GHETTO BEVERAGES: YOO-HOO MALT LIQUOR TAHITIAN TREAT SUGAR WATER FANTA ORANGE RED KOOL-AID RED DOG ANYTHING RED .99 A GALLON ANYTHING TAB FRESCA WATER ICE STRAWBERRY SODA PINEAPPLE SODA CREAM SODA. 50. THE REAR WINDOW OF YOUR CAR IS FILLED WITH STUFFED ANIMALS. 51. YOU HAVE A CRACK ACROSS YOUR FRONT WINDSHIELD AND YOU NEVER BOTHER TO GET IT FIXED. 52. YOU DRIVE AROUND ON THE DONUT, MONTHS AFTER THE FLAT HAPPENED. 53. YOU CAN LEARN THE LATEST DANCES FROM YOUR CHURCH CHOIR. 54. NOBODY IN THE WEDDING CAN REALLY FIT IN HER DRESS, INCLUDING THE BRIDE. 55. THE RECEPTION MEAL WAS COOKED BY THE BRIDE'S MOTHER. 56. THERE ARE MORE PEOPLE IN THE WEDDING THAN THERE ARE IN THE AUDIENCE. 57. YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS GET YOUR PICTURE TAKEN IN FRONT OF THE WICKER FAN CHAIR OR THE CAR BACKDROP. 58. YOU EVER TOOK A BUS TO A NIGHTCLUB. 59. YOU'VE BEEN TO MORE THAN ONE PLAY WITH THE WORD MAMA IN THE TITLE. 60. YOUR CHILDREN'S ONLY FORM OF ENTERTAINMENT IS SINGING IN THE WINDOW FAN. 61. YOU CHEW YOUR BABY'S FOOD AND THEN FEED IT TO THEM. (YOU AIN'T NO BIRD. STOP ACTING LIKE ONE.) 62. YOU EVER SENT YOUR CHILDREN TO PICK OUT THEIR OWN SWITCH. 63. YOU'VE EVER BEEN BEATEN WITH AN EXTENSION CORD. 64. YOUR SON IS NOT EVEN FIVE YEARS OLD, BUT HE HAS HIS EARS PIERCED. 65. YOUR CHILDREN DON'T KNOW THE WORDS TO "PUNCHINELLA" OR MISS MARY MACK," BUT THEY KNOW THE LYRICS TO ALL OF 50 CENT'S CDs. 66. YOU PAY MORE FOR YOUR CHILD'S SNEAKERS THAN YOU DO FOR THEIR CHILDCARE. 67. YOU EVER RAN A RACE BAREFOOT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET AT APPROXIMATELY ELEVEN AT NIGHT. 68. YOUR BASKETBALL HOOP HAS A RIM BUT NO NET. 69. YOU THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE A GYMNAST BECAUSE YOU COULD DO A HIGH FLIP ON A PISSY MATTRESS THAT SOMEBODY THREW OUT. 70. YOU'VE EVER PLAYED "RED-LIGHT-GREEN-LIGHT". 71. YOU'VE EVER CHEATED IN A GAME OF "MOTHER MAY I". Please add any others that you know.
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Ghettoicity

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