Papa Bear's blog: "Ponderments"

I mean if all that has happened within the last year isn't enough to motivate me I don't know what is. I can't really even say it's been a roller coaster because even those have peaks and valleys ..I've been free falling.

I've taken responsibility for my actions and know they've played a large role in everything that's happened ..everything can't always be pinned on me but nonetheless I've had ample opportunity to mend things.

I've been knocked down plenty of times I've had to work my way from the bottom ..but now ...now I just can't seem to find the right motivation ..I know I can't things rolling because of someone else I need to do it for me but my heart is just not in it.

A typical day for me is fruitless and I'm truly sick and tired of it. It bothers me I guess you can say because I've seen my potential or glimpses of it anyway and know I can be doing a lot better.

I'm 22 I'm young I know ..but that's no excuse . I know better . I have this tendencey however to overwhelm myself ...because I've lost everything I want it back but I don't want to do what it takes. That's where my laziness factors in . I don't believe that I'm all that great of a person ..what you've seen is not a fascade but the picture I've painted probably doesn't really reflect what I'm going through.

So right now I'm just fed up ..fed up with myself and my decisions. And I'm vowing publicly to work at regaining some of my life back.