Gestation

I look for reason, cause and motive--
But find none --
In how the subtle movements of the planets
Combined by Thy Design
To bring me to her;
Or her to me.

Could there be some strength we gather?
I can't see how --
When ev'ry step is on a path
That has no suitable resolution
In Thy Landscape,
Painted in the colors of pain
Her suffering and mine;
Or even ours. 

Is this something beyond my grasp?
My eternal quand'ry?
That in my actions without a role,
Determined by Thy Rules,
That Thou has taught my heart
To extend a helpless hand?

Is this timing not criminal and cruel?
To me it seems so --
Where our capabilities are strained
To Thy Stamp of our flawed incapacity,
So that which seems most ardent love
Cannot even be that slender
Help of a Friend?

In each day I see both pull and comfort.
Are she and I really free?
In this limited wheelworks
Where Thou has measured ev'ry stride
And told her when to accept it;
Or me to make it.

I look for Family, God and Country,
But I see her --
Caught in the teeth of Thy Cog
Whereupon Thou pinchest me;
Thou makes my good news bad;
Her good, bad, or vice-versa.
What will be next?  Is my head not lowered?

But ev'ry day I bear Thy Burdens
For her soft light --
While Thy Dark Machinations
Drag us to the pit.
So if I am too weak to help her,
Then I prefer her forgiveness over Thine.