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lady lilith's blog: "writings"

created on 11/09/2007  |  http://fubar.com/writings/b152216

general writings

October 2007 Well it took me a while, but im back again. i just moved from harrisburg, to a little town up north called HALIFAX ) just this side of the Schuykill county line. its nice quiet & a great place to start over, which is what i needed after the first half of the year. To all my CHILDREN, i haven't forgotten you, even tho you may have me; but i have been working on some new photo albums (which will be up by the end of the month) and some new writings, (which will also be up by months end). i have also been working on a demo CD as well as an indipendant VIDEO production, so suffice to say i have been a busy little gal since i was last blogging. August 24, 2007 ODE TO MOTHERHOOD (parts 1,2 & 3) ODE TO MOTHERHOOD .. PART I - CHERISH THY MOTHER Last Friday, the 17th of August, my mother would have been 91 years old. Sadly she passed away in November of 1989, when I was 21. I lost a best friend when that happened, but something more profound was taking place at that time. I was a new mother myself, my son being 18 months old then. Our bond was growing stronger, though I was soon to leave his father & begin life on my own once again. This year was the first since her passing that I could not be with her & talk to her. I still honored her memory, but it was not the same as being there with her. I am writing this 3-part piece because of something I heard a few weeks ago that disturbed me deeply. A group of young people were complaining about their mothers; how one was drunk most of the time or how one was too busy with her new boyfriend that they felt worthless & they also felt mom was worthless. To these children (though they were in their 20's at least), I say: cherish your mother; even if she does drink or spend time with her boyfriend, or whatever she does to upset you or hurt your feelings because she is STILL HERE WITH YOU. Someday, she will be gone, & you will be alone in this world. As naïve as it may sound, I always thought that my mother would live forever & be there for me, but the harsh reality is that we all lose our mothers at some time in our lives; be it when we are young, teenagers, young adults, or parents ourselves. Being a mother is one of the most tedious, thankless hard-working jobs there is. However, it is also one of the most rewarding because as we raise our children, & watch them grow into productive young people, we can help to instill values in them, do our best to guide them, try to teach them right from wrong, but most importantly we love them unconditionally. We did from the moment we knew we were expecting them. PART II - A MOTHER'S LOVE Being a mother is one of the most tedious, thankless hard-working jobs there is. However, it is also one of the most rewarding because as we raise our children, & watch them grow into productive young people, we can help to instill values in them, do our best to guide them, try to teach them right from wrong, but most importantly we love them unconditionally. We did from the moment we knew we were expecting them. For 9 months, we carried & protected our children, nurtured them. Then we gave birth to them & let them go for the first time in a long list of many. We bring them into this world, knowing that they would need us at that point more than ever. We strive to be the best mother we can, but children do not come with instruction manuals. There are no "HOW-TO" books to show us how to be a mother, but we somehow manage. We have for generations before & will continue to do so for generations to come. Loving a child is more than just saying the words or showing them with hugs & kisses. It is also in being strong for them when they get their share of boo-boos, cuts, scrapes, stings, all common childhood tragedies. We learn the value of "MOM MEDICINE"; the power of healing in a single kiss or a hug can do wonders for a child who is hurting. It is being there for them when they experience their first crush/puppy love, their first heartbreak, their first boyfriend/girlfriend, their first break-up, their "FIRST TIME." We have to be strong for them when it comes time to let them go on to live their own life. That is the toughest thing any mother can do: knowing when it is time to let go. That is the true test of a mother's love; knowing WHEN TO LET GO. PART III - KNOWING WHEN TO LET GO The toughest thing that any mother can do is knowing when it is time to let go. A true test for any mother's love is LETTING GO. It is not a goodbye or a farewell; it is more of a SEE YOU AROUND. We never really LET GO, but we fade back into the shadows & the background, allowing our children to grow & blossom into young men & women ready to take on the world. We will be there for them as best we can, supporting them, helping them (within reason), but most importantly, we are there LOVING THEM. That never stops, even when children leave the nest. As this summer ends, I have to say goodbye & let go of several wonderful people. People who took me into their lives & hearts, treated me as one of their own, joked with me, spent time with me, teased me, hated me, but also loved me. These people are my TGP POSSE: No-no, Mallory, Max, Stacey, Q-ball, & Oreo. Despite my being an outsider & older than you guys, you each took time to get to know me, talk to me, hang out with me. You always had a smile & a kind word for me. Some of you I became closer to than others, but I love all you the same none-the-less. Life Is A Journey (& You Are Never Alone) Current mood: thoughtful Category: Life I posted this before as a comment to a MYSPACE blog I had read, but I feel that it deserves to be seen by all of my friends & family. Life is all about choices, acceptances, disappointments, and sacrifices. We learn from them all & hopefully we come away from each of them a better & more understanding person. If not, then we need to take a long hard & serious look deep within ourselves - SOULSEARCH if you will - and try to see why we are the way we are. There is only One being who sees us as we really & truly are. He loves us unconditionally; HE LOVES US JUST THE WAY WE ARE. JUST AS I AM - It is more than just a hymn, it is almost a credo. Whenever you feel that you are aboard a sinking ship, don't panic, just close your eyes & look deep into your heart & soul to find the peace you need to weather any storm that comes your way. KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED FOR WHO YOU ARE. To My CHILDREN, I Thank You Current mood: loved Category: Writing and Poetry The summer began as it normally did, with the children clamoring for days by the pool & having sleepovers at playmates from school. My summer began more subdued. My summer began with a genlte embrace from a very special person in my life. My best friend held me close, telling me that everything would all work out in the end. He told me that i was surrounded by love no matter where i turned. He told me that i was protected by love & copmassion & i never need fear from anything again. My summer is halfway over, & i am still surrounded by love & compassion. it grows more with each passing day. My friends & co-workers are the best in the world, they are more than just simple friends; they are my FAMILY. i have worked many places in my life; there were very few that invoked the feeling of love & joy & compassion & camradere that my current job does. i came to them an outsider; but they welcomed me with open arms; treated me as if i had been here all along. They share their hopes & dreams with me, they share fears & worries with me. They've taken me into their trust & for that i'm honored. They've taken me into their hearts & for that i'm humbled. They've made me feel like i really & truly belong here. To all of my "CHILDREN", i thank you for letting me share your hopes, dreams, desires, fears, tears, laughs, jokes, hugs & more. This summer has flown by so fast; it was but an instant in the journey we call life, but the memories of this summer will forever be etched upon my heart & soul as you all will all be. Thank you for the memories you have given me. i will cherish them for the rest of my life. Friday, July 20, 2007 Keeper of My Heart Current mood: loved Category: Writing and Poetry His eyes catch mine from across the room & a shy smile comes to his lips. i have known him forever & yet we are strangers. He approaches & speaks, his voice soft & melodious, & yet it commands my attention. We are walking along a stream, reveling in the gentle breeze that stirs the reeds & grass along the shore. We laugh at a quietly shared joke; he pulls me closer to him for a quick hug & to graze my cheek with a soft kiss. My cheeks redden, but it has nothing to do w..th the warmth of the sun on my face. i turn away so he does not see the reddening flush. He stops to cup my chin, telling me that the color makes me look radiant & that i should blush more often. My cheeks flare to vermillion, i try & turn from his watchful gaze, for he makes me feel so alive & youthful. i fear nothing when i'm with him; i feel safest in his embrace. When we lay together at night, i'm content to nestle in his arms, just to feel him near me. His physicality is a simple pleasure i cherish. We share an intimacy without being intimate. The depth of his love for me i can feel when he smiles at me, or glances in my direction. i gave him my heart to hold. He's so very loving & gentle with it; as he knows it's but a fragile thing. My heart's all i can give him for now; he asks nothing more of me, though i'd be willing. To him, my heart is a treasure beyond treasures; with a wealth of love & tenderness to give, if i were able to let go & trust in him. i gaze into his eyes; seeing the depths of his soul, realizing that there's boundless love & tenderness inside. i hold him close, letting him feel my heart beating; he knows that it beats only for him. i breath in his essence, i feel his touch on my skin, taste the sweet wine that's him. i surrender my heart & soul to him; take it as the offering of love that it is. He forever will be the keeper of my heart. Friday, July 06, 2007 Gone but Never Forgotten Current mood: contemplative Category: Writing and Poetry I walk with the night; I walk with the shadows; I walk with the spirits of those who have gone on before. The breeze stirs the leaves of the walk, an icy caress in the night. I lift my eyes to the moon coming through the clouds. There are no stars; only the pale, silvery eye of Luna. I walk slowly and with a purpose this eveing; I seek a love from days past. Though we shared a lifetime of love, he was still taken too soon from me. Though he left me a lifetime ago, the pain is present, the scars run deep. I seek his soul; begging forgiveness & release from my torture. Set me free from these chains of love & life. Bind me to you never more, though I will ever love you. You can see into my heart & soul; you know I speak the truth; I could never lie to you. A single beam falls across my path; like a spotlight, I am held captive in its icy gaze. The gravestones stand like silent sentinals, guarding a city. The angels gaze at me with souless & empty eyes. A gentle, yet icy breeze stirs; much like a lover's caress; He is near, I feel his touch; warm & loving yet icily cold & distant at the same time. He touches my heart & soul, releasing me from my earthly bonds, freeing me to love again. I know that he is ever with me, watching & guiding me as my Beacon of Hope. Sunday, June 17, 2007 R.I.P. Current mood: thoughtful Category: Writing and Poetry The breeze blows cool along the riverfront, as I stand by the water's edge. The waves are gently lapping at my feet, sending minute chills up & down my spine with each caress. I see people gathering along the banks on either side of me, each of them bearing a single rose in their hands. The heady perfume of the roses is quite intoxicating. I realize after a few moments of silence, that the people are waiting for me to step forward. I smile upon those gatered with me & steel myself for the daunting task that lies before me. I step to the water's edge, kneel down, & place my single black rose in the flow. As I do so, a single tear flows from my eye. As my rose catches the current, I say a soft & somber "GOODBYE". I rise & step back from the river, as the multitude steps forward & repeats my actions. The river comes alive with a rainbow of colors & an explosion of fragrance. Each person in turn, makes a soft statement at the release of their rose. We remain solemn & steadfast for a few moments more, & then the people as one turn to me for a few words of inspiration & comfort. My voice is soft yet it carries enough for even those who are distant from me to hear & smile. "TODAY WE BID FARWELL TO LOVE. ALL OF US HAS LOVED & LOST. TODAY WE ALLOW THAT LOVE TO MOVE ON AS WE NEED TO MOVE ON. WE SET LOVE FREE TO GO WHERE IT MUST & TOUCH WHO IT NEEDS TO. WE SHALL ENDEAVOR TO ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT LOVE AS THE SPECIAL FEELING IT WAS. FOR ONE, BRIEF & TENDER MOMENT, WE HAD FOUND A HAPPINESS IN OUR OTHERWISE MUNDANE EXISTANCE. IT SHONE LIKE A GOLDEN SUNSET, OR A BURNING STAR, OR THE WONDERMENT IN A CHILD'S FACE THE FIRST TIME THEY SEE A RAINBOW OR THE OCEAN. LET US NOT CRY FOR THE LOVE WE HAVE LOST, BUT FOREVER CARRY IT IN OUR HEARTS & SOULS, REMEBERING THE WARMTH, TENDERNESS & PEACE WE HAD, ALBEIT BREIFLY, & PRAY THAT WHOEVER THE LOVE FINDS NEXT WILL CHERISH IT AS MUCH AS WE DO."
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